Rook
by RuBard Pie
Summary: Maddie discovers things she never knew about, and finds that falling in love is not as easy as she would like. [BOOK 2] Jacob/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to Book 2, readers. There will be much more romance in this one. Of course, Jacob's still a wee bit of an arse if we're all honest here.**

**Onwards.**

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_If your heart gets scared every now and then_

_Then put your hand on the heart and coax it_

_The heart is an idiot, persuade it with love_

"Aal Izz Well" from the movie, _3 idiots_

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Chapter 1

"Maddie," Willow started quickly. Her hands were shaking, and I was entirely sure what was wrong, but Willow took one of my hands, holding it tightly as she smiled, "I need to tell you something, and to be honest, it took me and Embry a long time to convince the others that this was a good thing, but..." Willow dragged me along toward Embry, waving a hand.

"And it's going to be really hard to believe, I _know_," Willow continued, and I wasn't entirely sure what to say or how I was supposed to respond, but... it felt like I should be more than a little apprehensive. Willow was acting weird, and Embry was standing quite a ways away from us for some unknown reason.

"Okay," Willow said, taking a deep breath and looking me in the eyes, "Embry's a werewolf. So is Jacob and Quil and several other people." I stared at Willow for a long minute, holding back my laughter before it burst through my lips.

"_What_?" I laughed because that wasn't even possible. No, siree, supernatural beings simply did not make any scientific sense, so I was pretty sure Willow was messing with me. Willow tightened her grip on my hand.

"It's true. You know I wouldn't say something without it actually being true," she said seriously, and I was at a loss. Part of me wanted to believe her because how fucking cool would that be? My much more rational part of me screamed _preposterous_, and I was no good at ignoring it.

"I... that doesn't," I fumbled, when suddenly wolf came running out of the woods at Embry who poofed into a giant wolf, and dear me... everything sort of went black.

**XXX**

"Maddie...?" Willow was leaning over me with a concerned expression. I smiled slightly at her.

"You know, you say the weirdest things," I started in a dazed tone, "I could have sworn werewolves existed... Isn't that funny?" Then I saw Jacob, who was frowning slightly.

"Sam's going to kill you," Jacob said, staring Embry down. Embry didn't look like he regretted a thing though. He merely shrugged. Slowly, my brain started to think again, and I jolted upward.

"Wait! That really happened?" I gasped, staring at Willow with a wide eyed expression, "But you... and Jacob... it doesn't make logical sense!" I pressed my forehead into my knees in silence. Willow patted me on the shoulder gently.

"I felt the same way," she told me, which was a bit comforting.

"He won't kill me," Embry said after a minute, "Her sister knows, we could always say Bella let it slip." I stared at Embry.

"You want me to lie!?"

"No, no... just, uh, alter the truth," Embry attempted with a slight smile, and I stared at him in disbelief.

"There is no way," I deadpanned. Embry slumped slightly. Jacob sighed.

"You shouldn't have told her," he reprimanded Embry, "She's still an outsider." I flinched at that because I felt a little rejected. Bella knew, and she was dating Edward, so why wasn't she an outsider? I frowned, staring at my hands.

"She's not an _outsider_," Willow snapped, glaring at Jacob then. I smiled at Willow because she was great. Good, old Willow would look out for me no matter what, and that was a nice feeling. I could understand why it had been so hard for the both of them to tell me about it, and Jacob was making it more and more obvious to me, even though Willow valued honesty in her relationships. It was probably hard on her to keep this from both her mother and little brother. Telling me would probably make things easier for her.

"She's my best friend," Willow continued, standing with her eyes narrowed at Jacob. She looked like she wasn't afraid of him, but I could tell from the way one of her hands hand twisted to grip her pants that she was a little scared, "And I'm not going to lie to her and everyone else for the rest of my life! I have to have someone to talk to."

"You could talk to Emily," Jacob responded with a hard expression, and I pressed my lips together. I didn't know who that was... but Willow obviously did.

"No, I can't," Willow said with a long sigh, "I mean, I _do_, but the two of us don't... we don't like the same things." Willow had drawn into herself then, and I watched in envy as Embry pulled her toward him to offer comfort to her.

"Instead of fighting about what has already occurred, could someone please tell when all of this happened?" I asked, throwing my hands up so the attention was drawn away from Willow, who obviously didn't want it. Jacob stared at me for a long moment. His shoulders were stiff, and his fists were closed tightly.

"Last year," he said after a beat. I considered this for several seconds.

"Okay," I said, pushing up onto my feet, and brushing the grass and leaves off of me, "That makes sense... I'm going home now." I then turned and walked away from them with a sense of purpose. The sky was murky, and it smelt like rain. The walk home was going to suck.

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**So, uh, Maddie finally found out the secret. I think at this point Jacob's starting to be confused by his feelings... yadda yadda.**

**Maybe gimme a review?**

**~Minatu**


	2. Chapter 2

**Gods... It's been a wee bit since I've written a word to be honest, and well, writer's block is a difficult thing to overcome, let me tell you. Also, in the time I've been gone I have moved twice. Fun times(sarcasm)! **

**I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I'm trying to get back into that writing groove.**

**Onwards~**

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Chapter 2

It wasn't raining yet, but I could smell it coming. The walk home wasn't going to be too bad, but I figured I was going to get rained on. I didn't have much of a desire to speak to anyone at the time anyway, therefore, there wasn't much of a hurry.

_How had Bella known about this?_ _How long had she known?_

I balled my hands into tight fists in frustration. _Obviously_, suicidal Bella was more trustworthy than me, which pissed me off to no end. I could probably bet money on Jacob being the one to tell her too... With how infatuated he was with her and all, he probably just let it slip _completely_ on accident. What a love struck _idiot_.

I kicked the rocks in front of me, my frown deepening with every thought. I was beginning to believe that I was an entirely unnecessary existence. What a _grand _feeling.

I sighed. I was glad that Willow and Embry told me, as crazy as it all was. I really wouldn't be too surprised if they ended up getting married. I really wanted something like that. When I thought about the two of them... sometimes I just felt so... _lonely_.

I stared down at my feet. _Great, now I'm making myself feel depressed!_

Just as I thought I couldn't feel any worse, it had to start raining. And, with a sudden burst of frustrated energy - perhaps the adrenaline - I started running, effectively drenching myself in as much water as I possibly could. Tears formed in my eyes, and my lungs felt like they were on fire. I could barely breathe with the way I was choking up on my cries. I felt so weak and hopeless. Lost in a place that felt like home once...

I lurched forward, my feet slipping out from under me, and I went face-first into the gravel. I cried harder as pain sparked through my hands and knees. I curled my injured extremities closer to my torso and sobbed harder, _louder_. Maybe... just _maybe,_ this just wasn't the place for me. ...It wasn't like Bella needed me. She probably didn't in the first place.

Every bit of energy that I had felt previously had simply disappeared. I was completely drained. I wanted to run home to my mom. I felt like a child in that moment, in no way independent, and entirely unable to believe in myself. It was really stupid. I shouldn't be acting so childishly, but I wasn't feeling like much more than a couple pennies, so maybe I fucking deserved a good cry.

Even so, I wiped my face with a rain-soaked sleeve and got up out of the gravel and walked myself the rest of the way home. I had to clean off my injuries that had faded into a dull pulse. I felt better... probably. I never liked crying all that much anyway, feels weak.

"Hey Maddie," Bella smiled at me when I stepped into the house. Her face curled into one of concern when she really looked at me, "...Are you okay?"

"Fine," I responded tersely and trudged up the stairs in silence. I was going to go take a shower and hope for the best, with my luck though... I was probably going to be sick in the morning. Oh well, though.

.

I could feel fur against my fingers, soft... _so soft_, and terribly warm. It was the best feeling in the whole world, like sleeping with a big dog, who loves snuggling up to you... It _even_ smelt a bit like wet dog... _weird_.

.

I woke with a start in the morning. I had had the strangest dream... well, it was _mostly_ strange because I rarely dreamed, but I didn't normally dream of sleeping...? Usually my dreams were just really weird and awkward to think about. The sort of thing I was all too happy to forget about. Well, maybe then again... that dream probably fit the usual agenda.

I decided not to think too much on it, and just get my day started instead. I had school that day after all.

Then I sneezed.

Which was followed by another sneeze.

And another...

Shoot crap. I was sick. I knew it, but you know what? I'm going to school anyway because I believe in being a trooper and putting off treatment until I am completely incapacitated. Yup. Good plan.

.

"Willow!" I waved with a smile because no, I was not mad at her, despite what she was probably thinking by the way she was looking at me.

"G-good morning, Maddie," Willow began shyly, pushing up her glasses quickly. I smiled slightly.

"I'm not mad, you know. It was just... a lot to take in," I said, rocking back and forth on my feet nervously because Willow was making me nervous with how she was acting. Willow perked up at that.

"Great!" she grinned. I nodded slightly, and I guess, things became almost normal again. Although, it really, really wasn't... not quite.

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**Thanks for reading! Drop a review if you like. I'd love to know how I'm doing.**

**~Minatu**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I just watched the whole first season of "Akatsuki no Yona", and my gods, it is _fantastic_. Seriously, 10/10 would recommend it. **

**Anyway, I forgot to say thank you to everyone who commented on the first chapter... My apologies, I hope you all have an amazing Memorial weekend and give thanks to your soldiers... (they appreciate the love although it's a bit embarrassing sometimes when they get stopped in the middle of an airport and told how wonderful they are before they've been deployed just yet...)**

**Hrm. Anyway.**

**Onwards.**

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_You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

\- "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven

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Chapter 3

It's finally spring which means a more disproportionate amount of rain and sunshine, depending on how Forks is feeling that day. The most important part of spring though, was that summer was now right around the corner. As much of a nerd as I am, I had to admit that I actually didn't _love_ school. _**Shocking**_, _I know_.

So I'm excited to have loads of free time (all the more time to do dumb things with Willow). Also I could get down to the bottom of why Jacob doesn't visit like he used to, even though he and Bella had made up... At least, that was what Bella had been saying. Honestly I don't really see Jacob much anymore, so I couldn't say. Also! It was about time I learned a bit more about that _werewolf_ stuff... that I may have known an inkling about without knowing I had such knowledge.

I discovered that tidbit of information when I looked back through some sketches for a pending art project (that I _may_ have procrastinated on a bit), and found the one I did of Embry with the shadowed in wolf-face. It gave me this odd feeling, and I really didn't know how to feel about it. I had given myself enough of a perplexed headache about it already.

Anyway, the best news _summer_ brought was that I was that much closer to being a senior! I was terribly excited about this because of unimportant things like homecoming, _prom_ and graduation. I wanted to feel a bit like a princess with some handsome dude accommodating me to my every whim. It was going to be awesome, dammit. My teenage girl heart deserved it for crying out loud.

I just wanted to break free from Bella's outstandingly massive shadow. ...I could just be the nerdy, tight-ass that said no to every date ever... And, _oh gods_, no one was going to ask me to prom! I had already ruined my every chance!

First though, I had to let go of _Jacob_. I wish that I didn't have to... but I already knew that I would always be the great and _wonderful_ Bella Swan's younger and much less wonderful sister. Jacob just wasn't interested, and it was breaking my heart.

And I really have to find out what was going on with all this mysterious brown fur that had suddenly started cropping up in my room! I sniffled a bit, rubbing my eyes and staring at the offending furs on my comforter because _hey_, _I'm trying to sleep here_. I'm sure it had something to do with me leaving the window open at night and feeding the stray cats that lived underneath the house a few blocks over... so it probably wasn't a big deal... probably.

I stretched slowly with a yawn, and my bones creaked with weakness and pain. I cringed slightly, pulling my arms quickly back into my body. I pressed a warm hand to my equally warm, but also a bit sweaty forehead. I frowned slightly because that in combination with the achy pains wasn't a good sign. I did feel a little cold last night...

I moved stubbornly to the edge of the bed and slowly rose to my feet. My knees shook beneath me, and I really wanted to be stronger than this. I wanted a different body sometimes... I took in a deep breath and let go of the edge of the nightstand and took a step forward.

Seconds later, I was tilting toward the floor, and _goodnight._

.

"Maddie?" I could hear Charlie's voice, and I groaned softly, mostly because of the pain. My head seriously _hurt._

"Are you okay?" I stared up at Charlie's face and put on my best trooper smile.

"I _might_ be a wee bit sick," I rasped, and Charlie smiled a bit at that. He made me choke down some super gross stuff before giving me the glass of sweet, sweet water.

"Thought so," he responded after a moment. I noticed then that he was already dressed and ready for work, but seemed a bit hesistant about actually leaving me all by my lonesome.

"Don't worry about me, Dad..." I began with a small smile. My voice was already starting to come back with the aid of the glass of water I just drank, "I'll be okay here." Charlie smiled slightly at me.

"If you say so," he looked away from me and around the room when he felt a bit of breeze, "Would you like me to close the window for you?" I shook my head.

"No... It's fine," I answered, staring out of the open part. It wasn't the biggest window, but it provided plenty of space for even a large dog to jump through, or a panther. A panther would be pretty exciting, actually.

Charlie ruffled my hair a bit, "See you later." I waved in response and curled back up under the covers.

.

I could feel something amazingly warm pressed against me. My fingers moved forward to get closer to that warmth, finding soft, but rough and thick fur. The further my fingers went, the softer the fur got and warmer. I sighed softly, inching closer to it as some shouting started up down the stairs. I frowned slightly. _Way to ruin the moment_.

I figured this was a dream because when I cracked my eyes open, there was a rather large... _wolf_? in my bed. And I knew there were werewolves in Forks, but I was pretty sure they didn't know where I lived, and there was no way that it was Jacob... So I was dreaming. Dreaming that wolf Jacob came in through my room and was sleeping my bed. Ah, _how nice._

I closed my eyes, pressing a kiss into the thick fur. It tickled my face, and it felt so, so real.

The arguing continued. Something about Florida and tickets... and did I hear _Edward_? I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to sleep or wake up or _whatever_. I just wanted to relax... and enjoy this weird wolfy dream.

.

I woke up feeling tons better. Though I had that dream again, and I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be one of those people who have weird reoccuring dreams. With sudden, mild horror, I fished my phone out of my covers and quickly called Willow.

"Hello?"

"Oh my gods, Willow! I had the weirdest dream!" I immediately blurted out because I may have been freaking out a little bit.

"Okay..."

"Listen, you know how I told you that I was going to get over Jacob and move on and stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah. You're not taking that back are you?" she asked, suddenly much more interested in what I had to say.

"No way!" I responded quickly, "It's just... I've been having this same dream for the past couple of nights, and well..."

"Tell me about it," Willow said in a tone that made it seem like more of an order.

"Well, I'm in my room, sleeping and there's this big, brown wolf on my bed with me and I'm like, cuddling it."

"Maddie... you need help."

"Willow!" I could hear her giggling on the other end.

"I know, that was too far," she was still laughing a bit, "But you have to admit that was a good one."

"You're awful," I responded, "I don't know if I even want to talk to you anymore."

"Oh, you do," she replied with confidence.

"What if I don't?" I retorted. Willow snorted.

"Okay, then I won't tell you what I'm thinking." I froze.

"No, Willow, I _need_ your advice," I whined, begging her not to leave me all confused and feeling really awkward. Willow chuckled.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't abandon you like that," she said with an air of arrogance. Gods, she was quite the douche bag sometimes.

"Yeah... Now tell me!" I responded sharply.

"You're still hung up on Jacob. And that's okay because your heart probably isn't going to move with your mind... you're just going to have to try to move on even if your heart isn't completely ready to... that's all. The important thing is to _date_. Date lots. Date all the boys. Even if you aren't the slightest bit interested. Besides, what have you got to lose?" Willow said gently, giving me the advice she felt would be the best for me. I nodded slightly, suddenly tearing up. I wanted it to be easier to get over someone...

"Okay," I said with a sad tone in my voice. I probably sounded like I was about to start crying.

"Oh, _Maddie_," Willow sympathsized softly, "It'll be okay..." I swallowed.

"I know," I replied, "Logically, I know." Willow made a sympathetic whine, and worked to bring me down from my tears in that slow, gentle prodding way of hers. I didn't know what I'd do without her.

"Honestly, I don't know why you're telling me that the fact I exsist is miraculous right now," I giggled softly through my tears and sniffles, "It doesn't make me feel better that I just so happened to be in existence."

"Well-"

"_No_, I'm stopping you right there Willow. Let's not talk about those alternate universes of yours. I don't like thinking about what life would be like if certain things just happened to not exist," I said sternly.

"Aw, spoil sport," Willow pouted, but I could hear the smile in her voice. Eventually we hung up, and I wandered down stairs and asked Charlie about his day. I found out that Bella was planning to visit Mom in Florida... and that she wanted to do so with Edward. I convinced Charlie that it would be okay, even though I didn't approve either. It was just... Bella was going to graduate pretty soon, and there really wasn't anything either of us could do about it. Bella was going to do what she wanted to whether we agreed with it or not. That one fight she had with Edward with proved that point a while ago.

.

I stayed home one more day, and Bella didn't seem to be in the greatest of moods when she came home later. Next thing I knew, she was shouting about how the car wouldn't start and slamming doors. I wandered down the stairs quietly to sit with Charlie and watch baseball with him.

I didn't even _like_ baseball, to be honest.

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**Thanks so much for reading! Please do leave a review.**

**~Minatu**

* * *

MariMart: You have a scary ability to predict some of my story plans... And thank you! I'm happy that you like Maddie's character~ I've worked very hard on her (I hope she's maturing?)

Elle Ryder: Oh! Are you okay? Don't hurt yourself while reading my stories anymore... I don't need to get sued or anything... I'm very poor. Can't even afford college really... My writing motor is back though! (At least it is until I run face-first into another brick wall.)

Layla347: Your update as requested, mi'lady.

Innocence and Instinct: Thank you! I'm glad I'm back too (had to fight tooth and nail to get my soul back from_ place-who-shall-not-be-named_).


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my, kids... I am on quite the roll here. I don't even know how to feel about it, to be honest. I guess it's a good thing though. I guess it's kind of like what Pinocchio from _Once Upon A Time_ said... reading through your story helps you get over the writer's block. **

**Anyways, here's another awesome-tastic update.**

**Onwards.**

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Chapter 4

I had resolved to go on a date before Bella returned from her trip to Florida. It was a bit of a short timeline, and probably not the best idea, but I really wanted to move forward here, so that was what I was going to do.

And _maybe_ it hadn't been the best idea to ask the guy I had rejected about a year ago, and maybe I was being too hasty about it all, but it was too late now because I was already wearing a simple summer dress... and Victor was going to be at my house any minute now.

I chose Victor because he was the most... _okay_ looking choice I had, and he seemed nice enough, to be honest. He wasn't the tallest, but he was taller than me at least. He didn't have any pimples either, which was a bonus. And well... if I was being entirely honest I just picked the most un-Jacob-like I could find. Victor was skinny, pale and blonde. His eyes were pretty though. A nice blue-green shade that kind of reminded me of those other-worldly oceans in those photos of beaches on the internet.

So, I wasn't too excited, and I wasn't hoping for the best thing ever either. I was anticipating it to be a rather simple affair. We were going to go out, eat some food, watch a movie and I should be home before eleven... It sounded easy enough, although I was a complete mess on the inside. After all, _what if he tried to kiss me?_ I wasn't that interested... No, this date wasn't a date... it was just a social thing where only two people were involved, and oh dear gods, I couldn't make it sound better!

The doorbell rang suddenly, and I hurried to get to it before Charlie did because I was pretty sure he still thought I might be dating Jacob (I rather liked keeping him in that state of mind...), but I was too slow.

"H-hello, Mr. Swan..." Victor began in his meek voice, "I'm here to pick Maddie up for our, uh, date." I groaned internally because I didn't want Charlie to think that I would actually _seriously_ date this guy. Charlie smiled slightly and looked over toward me with a confused facial expression. I gave him a nervous smile.

"Don't worry Dad," I said quickly, sliding out the door, "I won't be out too long."

"Okay," Charlie replied a bit stiffly. He was probably reevaluating his life. I was hoping he wasn't going to call Billy and tell him that I was dating some miscellaneous boy from school. That would be too embarrassing. Charlie probably would though. Billy was his best friend, after all.

"Wow, uh, you look very, uh, pretty," Victor said with a blush that went to his arms. I had never noticed him blush like that before. It was... _weird_.

"Uh, thank you, I guess," I responded just as awkwardly. Victor smiled at me slightly and went to open the car door for me. I wasn't really sure how I was feeling about that at the time, but just as we left we passed Jacob and Billy on their way to visit. I think they noticed... _shit_.

Victor took me to one of the nicer places in Forks where the food was a bit pricey, and I was beginning to think he was trying to impress me. I hadn't thought about it before, but he had also picked me up in an expensive looking silver sports car. Maybe I had made a bad choice...

"So, uh, what are you thinking of getting?" Victor started up suddenly, surprising me so much that I actually jumped.

"Oh, I don't know... it's all kind of pricey..." I responded in a tiny voice. I was kind of retracting into myself. I wasn't used to this sort of prim and proper sort of atmosphere. It was intimidating.

"Would you like to share something then?" Victor asked with a smile, and I could see that he was growing more confident in himself for whatever reason. Maybe it was because I was also nervous?

"Oh, uh, no..." I replied, shaking my head quickly.

"It's okay," Victor told me.

Eventually I ended up just ordering a salad and water. It wasn't that good either, but it was the cheapest thing I could find, and I paid for my portion as well.

The movie was something that Victor chose, and I didn't pay much attention to it because about ten minutes in (if even that), Victor put a hand on my knee. I was hyperaware of his touch, and when that hand started to move upward, I stood up faster than I could think. Seconds later, I was running out of the theater with my dignity partially still intact.

I don't think I will ever forget that moment of sudden fear. I wasn't ready for that sort of thing. _Is that how guys thought?_ I didn't want to be touched like that by someone I barely knew...

Next thing I knew, I was crying all by myself on my way home. When I got there, it was past eleven and Billy's truck was still parked outside. I despaired because I was a mess. There was probably mascara all over my face, and I felt horrible. I went inside because I still really needed Charlie's comfort and good, long hug. I wiped at my face as I stepped inside.

Jacob stared at me in surprise, "Maddie?" I felt my lip tremble as I stared hard at the ground, trying to hide my face from him.

"Hi, Jake," I said with a sniffle.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, taking a hesitant step toward me. I rubbed an arm across my face and shook my head slightly.

"I'm okay... I'm going to be a-okay..." I said with a slight smile, and I saw Jacob's face freeze when he saw my face. I probably looked really bad. My eyes already felt swollen.

"Maddie, you're back! How was your date...?" Charlie trailed off looking at me, his smile fading. Before he could say anything else, I quickly threw myself into his arms.

"Dad!" I said with a sob. Billy led Jacob away, and the two of them left without a word. I didn't know how infuriated Jacob looked until Charlie mentioned it later. I told Charlie everything, getting make-up all over his t-shirt, but Charlie didn't seem to mind at all.

.

"Morning, Maddie," Bella said, leaning over the couch to look at me. I squinted up at her.

"It's too bright in here," I responded, reclosing my eyes. Bella laughed at that.

"Then you probably shouldn't have passed out on the couch," she told me, acting like a big sister for the first time in a while. Most of the time the two of just avoided each other. It probably wasn't all that fun for either of us. Her trip probably went swimmingly.

"Welcome home, I guess," I said tiredly. Bella grinned at me.

"Thanks," she replied, "How was your weekend? I see that you got all dressed up for something..." Bella said this with an implication that I read loud and clear to be _boys_.

"Terrible. My date went badly." I answered tersely. I had spoken about it all that I wanted to. Bella seemed surprised.

"Really? What happened?" she asked, suddenly acting very concerned. I frowned slightly, rolling over toward the couch's backrest.

"Don't want to talk about it," I muttered into the fabric. Bella didn't say anything for a long moment.

"You know, I'm here for you," she said after a while. I sighed, refusing to respond. I didn't want to pick another fight with her. I really wasn't in the mood. As Bella liked to say that, I knew the truth. She would be there for me when it was convenient for her. That was all.

.

I walked to La Push later that day to draw. I sat in my usual spot, warmed beneath the sunshine and lost in thought. I had my eyes closed, and I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings, so I didn't notice when Jacob approached me.

"Maddie, are you okay?" Jacob started slowly, awkwardly. I kept my eyes closed and remained silent. I didn't really know what he was getting at.

"...I'm fine," I answered after a long moment.

"What... what happened yesterday?" Jacob asked, and I looked over my shoulder at him then, assessing him. He never really seemed all that interested in me before...

"I just... need to try again! That guy was a little too... _hasty_ for me, so I'll just have to try dating someone else!" I answered cheerfully. Jacob seemed surprised, and at a loss for words. I gave him a thumbs up.

"Don't worry about me, okay?" I began softly, looking down at my hands then, "I know you like Bella..." Jacob stiffened in my peripheral vision.

"You... you know about that?"

"Yeah. It was obvious," I replied with a bitter smile, "Everyone with eyes knows." Jacob's hands curled into fists.

"Oh..." he muttered, looking a bit distant. I took a deep, painful breath.

"That's why I have to date other people... to get over you," I said finally. Jacob turned suddenly, staring at me.

"What...?" he sounded so surprised. I turned slightly to look him in the eyes. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

"I like you, Jacob..." I shuddered with a shaky breath, "So, please... don't say anything to me that could get my hopes up, okay?" My tears spilt over then, and Jacob stood in shocked silence, just staring at me in a new light.

"That..." he started, his eyebrows furrowed. Jacob looked so confused. I laughed bitterly.

"Don't worry!" I laughed through my tears, "I'm quite used to having to pick myself up out of the dirt by now." I stood up, wiping off my jeans and wiping my tears away.

"Maddie..." Jacob began, staring at me earnestly, almost as if he had never seen me before. I touched his shoulder gently.

"I'm okay... and goodbye," I said with a small smile. I then removed my hand and walked away from him. I bottled my tumultuous emotions inside. So Victor was out of the question now... I guess I was just going to have to try asking someone else out as soon as I felt ready.

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**There's a playlist that I made for the series that you can find the link to on my profile. It's not complete... or in perfect order just yet, but it's certainly getting there.**

**Drop a review if you're feeling so kind.**

**~Minatu**

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Innocence and Instinct: I know, I'm awesome. :P

Elle Ryder: We'll just have to wait and see now won't we? ;)

MariMart: Never fear, we are certainly getting there. However Jacob is a boulder, and he's rather hard to move...

MyHeartIsANightingale: Ah man, I'm glad you do. :]


	5. Chapter 5

**How are you guys enjoying your Memorial Day weekend? I got four whole days of liberty (although I had duty yesterday...), which was pretty cool. I planned this whole chapter out last night while I was on watch, I think it turned out okay.**

**Onwards.**

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Chapter 5

My school day was the absolute worst. Well, at least it started rather terribly with Victor attempting to convey his apologies to me with a bouquet of roses (bright _pink_ ones at that... he could've _at least_ gotten some red ones) and yelling after me when I tried to refuse him. It was really annoying... and _mortifying_.

Literally everyone knew about Victor's profession of _true love_ to me by the end of the day, and I just wanted to curl up in a corner and _die_. I don't think I had ever been more embarrassed, not even my semi-confession to Jacob matched this level of grated nerves. In fact, it didn't even come close.

I did not enjoy playing hide-and-seek with Victor the whole of my day. Even if it did lead to a good thing. Because for the first time ever, I spoke to this other guy named Matt. Apparently he had been in my art class the entire year, but for some reason I never noticed him... and he was really _cute_.

Matt was probably shorter than Jacob, but he was still pretty tall. Apparently his mom was Japanese and his dad was in the Navy before they decided to settle down in Forks after he retired. I was a little surprised by all of that, but Matt's dad sounded pretty cool. That, and Matt was a really good artist. He was a thousand times better than me, at least. I really liked his art style.

I invited him to sit with me and Willow, which he gladly accepted. I felt like I was finally going to have another friend to dump all my worries on, although I probably wasn't going to talk to him about Jacob... because Jacob wasn't significant anymore. That's what I had been telling myself at least.

Willow called us the "M&amp;M" pair, and I laughed for ages at the name. Matt honestly looked a little embarrassed. Willow thought he had a crush on me, but I wasn't really looking for a relationship just yet... not with that total disaster of a first date with Victor.

I have to admit, the day turned out better than I expected it to.

.

"Hey, Maddie," Bella said, plopping down into the chair at my desk, "Have you and Jake gotten into a fight?" She seemed earnest, and honestly, I was glad that she was back in the waking world.

"No," I responded, continuing to scribble on a sheet of paper. I hated writing essays...

"Well, he told me to you that he's 'sorry', and honestly, why couldn't he just say that to you himself if you two aren't fighting?" Bella asked, crossing her arms over her chest. I looked up at her then with a perplexed expression. Why had he done that? It didn't make any sense. He didn't have anything to apologise for after all.

"He probably feels too awkward around me now," I answered after a beat, more hung up on the fact that he freaking _apologized_. _Seriously_? It kind of pissed me off.

"Why's that?" Bella asked, looking curious, and I realized I had never told Bella. I had always told Bella about my crushes, and she did the same. Just like when she told me about how she liked Eduardo.

"Well..." I said with a slight pout, feeling more than a little bit embarrassed, "I told him I love- er, liked - him." Bella's eyes widened, and she paled significantly.

"It didn't really go over well," my voice raised several octaves as tears rushed into my eyes. I gripped my pencil tightly, trying my best to reel them back in.

"OH. Oh, Maddie... I didn't know," Bella began, softening. She stood, moving toward me. I pulled away slightly before she finally managed to get me to lean into the hug, my face pressed into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Bella whispered to me, and honestly, she probably really was.

"I... I knew," I sobbed, "I knew he liked you, and yet...!" Bella pet my head gently. She shushed me gently.

"I know... it's okay," she told me. I gripped onto her tightly, feeling like a little kid again. It reminded me of the time that the girls in my ballet class bullied me. I ran home to my dependable older sister who always comforted me until I stopped crying. Bella even gave the other girls a stern talking to one time. It didn't help, but I sure looked up to Bella in that moment. She seemed... so _brave_.

Sometimes I missed when things were simpler. When it was just Bells and me against the world. We had been the best of friends and the worst of friends, being so close in age and all, but Bella was the more mothering one of us. She had this aura that just glowed with warmth and comfort. It was still there, but it was no longer the same as it was when we were smaller. I certainly missed it. The closeness.

I sniffled, pulling back from Bella a little, "You always were the pretty one." I grinned slightly as Bella laughed.

"What are you talking about? You're the prettier one," she reassured me, and I shook my head, hugging her again.

"We never could agree on that one..."

.

That following weekend I went to La Push to visit Billy, and I got lucky, seeing as Jacob wasn't there when I arrived. Although Billy tried to convince me to come back a little later when he was in.

"What was Jake- uh, Jacob- like when he was little?" I asked suddenly, and I wasn't sure why... I mean I was curious, but it felt like there was something more to it than that. I didn't want to analyze it too seriously at the time however.

"He was a funny kid," Billy smiled, and I think on some level Billy was hoping that Jacob would fall in love with me or Bella, "I have some photo albums if you want to see..." he motioned with an arm before wheeling off to grab some. Next thing I knew, I was fawning over the cutest little guy I had ever seen. I mean, seriously, Jacob was so cute when he was just a baby!

Billy seemed to be very amused, and he told me lots of little stories about the antics Jacob would get up to, some of which involved Bella as well. I suddenly wished I had shown more interest in going to see my dad when I was younger. It might have been really fun...

Billy was happy to chat with me about Jacob forever, but I figured Jacob would return soon and helped him clean up the albums before leaving. Just my luck though, I ran into Jacob on my way out.

"Maddie..." Jacob stared at me for a long moment without saying anything, so I quickly tried to duck out and leave.

"Hey, Jake. I was just leaving, so guess I'll-" Just as I tried to skooch away, he grabbed a hold of my wrist stopping me.

"Wait," he said softly. I felt my cheeks burning with how close he had unintentionally pulled me.

"Uh... why?" I squeaked, trying to get my brain to work again because _oh my gods I'd really like to kiss me a hot werewolf right now_. Serious expressions looked almost scandalous on Jacob's face, and I was in dire need of help with reigning in my teenage hormones.

"Just... wait," Jacob responded seriously, his grip on my wrist tightening, and it kind of hurt.

"C-could you loosen your grip a little there, Muscles Leanguini?" I attempted, not wanting to start cringing obviously. Jacob seemed to snap out of it then.

"Yeah, _sorry_," his voice softened with the apology, and the way he stared into my eyes really pissed me off. I never should have told him that I liked him! Now he was treating me like a delicate flower! It wasn't like I was just going to fall apart.

When he released me, I tried to punch him, which he dodged.

"What? Why are you trying to hit me?" Jacob seemed confused.

"For not considering my feelings! I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, so _don't_ tell me what to do!" I snapped, storming off, but of course, he followed after me.

"No, you're not, Maddie," Jacob responded, "Now, _at least_, would you let me drive you home?" I whirled around, glaring at him.

"NO," I said with force. So Jacob just grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder, and put me in his car.

"I'm driving you home," he told me, and I stopped fighting with him. I felt a chill run down my spine halfway through the car ride, wondering why Jacob was acting so forceful.

"Don't go anywhere by yourself, okay?" was what he told me when he dropped me off.

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**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review.**

**I got another one of those weird reviews. The Debbie Hicks one, if any of you are familiar. They do not get more logical. Pretty sure it's just a way for them to spam/troll or whatever people call it these days. **

**_In other news, should Maddie go on a date with Matt?_ Tell me your thoughts in your reviews. :)**

**~Minatu**

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Elle Ryder: _But did your cousin deserve it?_ I'm really glad that you're enjoying my quick updates! I like posting them whenever I finish them so... I know there's mistakes galore, but I can't help myself. Q~Q I agree. That date was too much...

MyHeartIsANightingale: No, not yet. But it will be soon! (And you'll know. Oh _you'll_ know.) :]

Innocence and Instinct: Yes. And his own.

MariMart: I didn't intend for him to be a _jerk_. He was just... not good at reading the mood? Also, yeah, Jacob wasn't going to be able to figure it out without a picture being drawn for him and his dense brain.

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_**Should Maddie go on a date with Matt?**_

**Your answers to this question is very important to me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ah, man. I seriously meant to post this last week, but I got side-tracked. I started class three weeks ago, and I've just gotten through what most people call "Hell Week", and I'm not even done yet. Next I've got this other test to have my nerves grated over by.**

**In other news, I might be going to Japan or Virginia? I really have no idea what's going on with my life right now. It's a mess. I'm a mess. Apparently the lady I saw today was a shitty doctor... So now I have to go change my provider and hope that my injury gets better with rest over the next ten days... **

**Onwards.**

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_"Eyes like a car crash_  
_I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away._  
_Body like a whiplash,_  
_Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way_  
_I feel about you."_

\- "Deathbeds" by Bring Me The Horizon

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Chapter 6

It was after art class. That was when Matt apparently decided to spring a question on me. One that I had to think seriously about. I knew that he had been hanging out with me a lot, but I never thought he had some sort of ulterior motive. And maybe he didn't at first… but asking me on a date? It seemed so sudden. I was entirely unprepared, to be honest.

And when he asked, I really didn't know what to say, honest because I did like him… as a person and all. There was nothing wrong with saying yes, _right_? In the end, I told him I would think about it, and he looked like I had just promised him the world. I was beginning to be nervous about answering him regardless of the direction I took it in.

The main issue I had with it was because we were friends. _Good_ friends, and I really wanted some more of that in my life. I needed people around me, looking out for me. I needed more people like Willow in my life. Because I had a feeling that once I got over Jacob, I was going to be left with this gaping hole in my life. I'd feel like someone had just taken my hands from me. I wouldn't know how to move on from it. Much less how I'm supposed to stop loving him because I didn't just _like_ him… I really loved him. I loved his goofy and macho personality. I liked that he enjoyed baseball like Charlie did (and I suspected I'd warm up to the sport eventually). I thought he would just fit in with the whole family like a puzzle piece. It just made sense.

Really, falling in love with Jacob was just like me. He was safe. I knew he'd get along with the people in my life, and I knew that we agreed with one another to some degree. It was so typical of me. I liked boys who would _work_, but I couldn't have them. They fell in love with prettier, less available girls (which was not me… I was quite available).

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to let go of that friendship that Matt and I had. It was a good sort of friendship, and I really hadn't wanted romantic feelings to taint it like it already was beginning to. I had trouble looking at Matt now because I felt bad. I still didn't know my answer, and I knew for sure that I didn't like him like that. No, I had a loyal heart. It would probably love Jacob still, even if I was all the way across the world. My last crush had lasted a year. It had been tripped up by Jacob though. The one before it was a whole three years. I had had a total of four crushes, one of which was on the twenty-six year old history teacher, who got married the last year I was in his class. I had been pretty salty about it.

My crush on Jacob had been going on now for a mere two years now. It was my usual length of pining, and honestly, if I was going to super fall for Matt… wouldn't that have already happened? At least, going off of pattern, that's what I assumed. So maybe it was better that I declined and hoped we could continue to be friends, but perhaps that wasn't possible. I was running circles in my head over this. I was about ready to start banging it against things.

I left school in a daze that day, and I didn't really know much of what happened at all, really. Bella drove me home, and she was acting a bit antsy. I didn't feel like asking her about it though. So I let it go.

The moment we got home, I curled up on the couch next to Charlie and watched a baseball game with him. Apparently the Cubs were winning. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. Charlie was being pretty serious at the time. I opted to stare at the screen while my mind returned to this Matt dilemma I had.

I ran through it one more time in my mind, deciding to tell him "yes" but also deciding to forewarn him that it was only a trial run. He had to know that I did not see him that way, and that it was quite possible that I never would.

.

It was still dark outside when I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see a figure standing in the room, silhouetted by the soft moonlight. I had no idea who it was standing there in the darkness, and I was too afraid to open my mouth and say a thing.

The next moment, there was a wolf leaping in through the window. It growled and scared off whoever or _whatever_ had been there moments ago. The wolf, which seemed to be about to chase after the person, still had bristled fur and looked rather intimidating, but something in me felt comforted by its presence.

"..._Jacob_?" I whispered, and it turned to look at me with Jacob's warm, brown eyes. I knew it was him, but moments later he was gone… just as quickly as he had come. I curled my limbs closer to myself, feeling equally terrified and comforted. Who had been standing in my room moments ago?

I was really scared now, but I knew something then. I wasn't going to ever like Matt, not like I liked Jacob, and I couldn't be so cruel as to even him allow the thought that it truly was quite possible that I would.

I laid in darkness, feeling a deep satisfaction for two seconds, then I hurried out of the room. I couldn't be in there by myself for much longer, after all. I was far too frightened. I hurried over to Charlie's room, curling up in the bed with him. I was thankful that he didn't say anything about it because I was being quite the four year old (and with good reason, mind you).

.

"Get up, kiddo. You've got to go to school," Charlie said, shaking me awake. My eyes flew up, and I stared at him with a frightened expression.

"Oh my gods, what time is it?" I asked in a breathless voice. Charlie seemed rather amused.

"It's seven," he said, staring at his watch.

I shot up, "WHAT?" I was late! I immediately began moving, already hurrying off to my room. Once I got there and glanced at the clock, I saw that it was barely six… I stormed back to where Charlie was, still standing about in his pajamas and chuckling to himself.

"You _tricked_ me," I said in accusatory tone. Charlie smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

"I misread the time, and you didn't give me a chance to correct myself," he responded. I refused to believe that preposterous lie and turned heel, storming off to my room. My dad was such a jerk! I couldn't believe him… I had almost died of panic. I quite liked my pristine school record.

I took my time getting ready for school. I kind of felt like walking, and so I did. After all, it only took me about fifteen minutes to get ready. I didn't wear makeup or any of that nonsense. It was really far too much work for me.

I was greeted with a rather unusual sight when I arrived at school. Jacob was there in the parking lot, just leaning against his motorcycle all hot like. Really, what right did he have to look that perfect and beautiful? It was entirely unfair. I swear he was trying to torture me with how tight that shirt he was wearing was. Gods, I could see every perfectly sculpted muscle… and I think I was drooling for a second there.

I quickly walked over to him once I regained my senses and reigned in my crush to a manageable level of screaming hormones. Then Jacob had the nerve to look up at me and smile. I swooned… a little. I don't think he noticed. Gods, I hoped he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, raising hand but stopping within inches of my cheek. That was a bit strange because he was becoming more and more touchy-feely with me, and I didn't know what to make of it, so I decided to ignore it. It probably didn't mean a thing to begin with.

"Yeah," I responded slowly, shivers running up my spine as I thought about what had happened the previous night, "I'm… I'm alright. Just a little frightened, is all." I gave Jacob a weak smile, and he didn't really look convinced.

"It's okay if you're not," he told me, his hand falling back to his side. I kind of wished Jacob had decided to go through with whatever he'd been planning to do. I probably would've been more comforted by it than he'd ever know… but I think he was trying to respect my wishes and not lead me on, which was equally comforting.

"No, I really am okay," I replied as if saying it repeatedly would make it better. Jacob didn't seem to believe me, but he played along anyway.

"Okay," he sighed, getting onto his bike, "Stay safe, Maddie." Then he rode off before I could reply. I never knew how loud motorcycles were before that moment.

When I came back to reality, I saw Matt staring across the parking lot at me. I had no idea what I was going to tell him. No idea at all.

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**I'm convinced that I can live off of beef jerky and Sobe drinks. Please review!**

**~Minatu**

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MariMart: I agree. There was a lot going on. Also, that actually wasn't a bad response. I felt the same way, to be honest. In the end, I think I managed to do both possibilities while being inclusive of the truest possibility.

Elle Ryder: I'm glad to hear it! And thank you for your answer.

Nameless-dono: Firstly, thank you for answering my question. Secondly, you have an awesome username.

Innocence and Instinct: Heh. Thanks for the answer. Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't. The world may never know. It could still happen after all.

Guest: Thank you for the answer. And I agree... he probably won't do much for awhile.

MyHeartIsANightingale: I'm glad you're enjoying the fic! I appreciate the support~ Also, I feel you on that one. Dates involving Maddie make me so, so anxious.

deidaralover1234: Yes, Mads is Jacob's imprint. And thanks for the answer! I'm happy to hear you're enjoying my story!

woezz: Wow, you really thought about that huh? Well, I guess you'll have to just read and find out whether or not that'll happen.

californiagirl77: I appreciate your opinion. I think you were right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Today on "what the flip is going on with the author's life", I have no idea what's happening anymore. Apparently I could _also_ be going to California... What is this? Why are there so many possibilities? Why must it be confusing? **

**Anyway, I'm on fire, I'm telling you.**

**Onwards.**

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"_I wanted to tell you just once  
__The love I just can't hold back  
__All the time I looked your way  
__I wanted to tell you everything"_

\- "Today" by Sung Joon

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Chapter 7

I walked toward the entrance of the school as quickly as I could without drawing attention to myself. I was hoping this would prevent me from having to deal with Matt at that particular moment. I didn't have a single class with him that day to begin with, so there wasn't a single reason that I would cross paths with him at all again (if you consider staring at each other from across a parking lot _crossing paths_).

"Maddie!" I grit my teeth and believed in my legs' ability to work through these awful shin splints I was getting. He wasn't going to flag me down. Nope. There was no way in hell. I was really close to the first crowd of people near the doors of the school. I was nearly there… just a little further… ignore the pain. Escape was so, _so_ close.

"Maddie!" I felt a force pull me stumbling backward suddenly. I let out a small cry of terror. Matt had me by the backpack. I glared at him, attempting to swat at the offending hand.

"Get off of me," I growled. Matt laughed, releasing me then. I almost dashed off then, but Matt's question stopped me.

"So is he the reason that you told me you had to think about it?" Matt asked, "Because he looks like the sort to break your heart. He isn't going to be some Dothraki, I promise."

"Are you implying I Daenerys? Because I'm really not," I responded in an irritated tone, "Besides, you don't even know Jacob, so shut the hell up."

"Oh, so his name is Jacob?" Matt raised a single eyebrow. I frowned slightly.

"I dare you to say one more negative thing about him. I really do," I hissed, my anger rising like a frightened viper.

"What? He looks like a total dick," Matt told me, and I lost it. I slapped him faster than I could think. I glared at him.

"You _do not_ talk about him like that," I snapped and turned on my heel to briskly walk away. I didn't think he was going to follow me after that. Matt was infuriating. He had no right to judge a person by looks alone. What the hell did he know anyway? Matt was an idiot. Jacob was a really sweet guy… I frowned slightly at the floor as I continued on my way.

.

I found Matt standing at my locker after school. I was still pretty upset with him, but I couldn't just completely circumvent my locker, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just jealous, see," Matt began as I opened my locker, outrightly ignoring him, "Come _on_, Mads. Talk to me."

"Don't call me that," I snapped, looking at him sharply, "...and it's fine." Really, I just wanted him to go away, but I was trying to ignore my emotions because they were being illogical. They were really whiny and annoying.

"Are you sure?" he prodded, peering around the door of my locker. I looked over at him and sighed.

"Yeah…" I replied, and he walked out with me while talking about some miscellaneous stuff. I wasn't really listening, to be honest. I was pretty sure he was beating around the bush, but I didn't really want to talk about it, even though I had reevaluated my previous answer. Maybe it was because I was feeling particularly salty.

"Just spit it out already," I said finally with a sigh of frustration. Matt looked a little surprised.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, probably attempting to look less obvious, which he was failing miserably at.

"Then I'll just fucking answer. Gods, you're annoying," I growled, not even looking at him. Matt stiffened slightly.

"Sorry, sorry," he immediately apologized. I glared at the parking lot.

"I'll go on that date with you, _but_ we aren't going to talk about him. He's off-limits, okay?" I said finally. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Okay," Matt nodded in agreement, "I can live with that."

"Good," I responded. Then I hurried off to hop into the truck with Bella who seemed a bit preoccupied.

"Oh, Bella," I started and her expression didn't change one bit. I sighed, "So I know Jacob's a werewolf." Her eyes refocused almost immediately.

"Huh? What did you say?" she asked, looking at me with interest.

"Nothing," I replied with a slight smile. We'd talk about that soon enough. I had to know after all…

.

_I was running faster than ever before. My breath was barely keeping with me, but I couldn't stop running. Something was preventing me. I had to get away, but the rising goosebumps on my skin told me I wasn't doing so nearly fast enough. I wasn't going to get away. Fear rose up through my body, and I still couldn't catch my breath. It felt like my body was on fire. I was going to die. I was going to die…!_

_Desperation curled in my stomach, and I tripped over something. I had no idea what it was. I was too distracted by the pain that curled into my body. I slowly turned to look over my shoulder even though I knew that whatever I was running from was right there, and I was going to see its face. I didn't want to. Something in me screamed not to look. To get back up and start running again, but I couldn't stop myself._

_Out of the darkness, a pale glittering thing with a human body stepped out into the minimal light of my dream. I couldn't see the face. It was shadowed out. I don't think I wanted to see the face that it possessed. _

_How I evaded this creature for any amount of time escaped me. It looked too clean to have really been running after me in these woods, and a terrifying thought peeped up in my mind. What if he hadn't been running? What if this monster had simply been strolling along after me, knowing I would fall eventually. Knowing that no matter what I did, it would still be able to catch me. _

_This man - no, this _creature _\- cupped my chin, lifting my face to look into its blood colored eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat. Those fingers felt like ice against my skin. I tried to look away, close my eyes, anything, but I couldn't. My body was frozen in place. I was entirely at its mercy. _

"_You look just like her…" the monster spoke in a smooth, almost familiar voice. A voice that seemed nostalgic, but I couldn't place it. It was slow and calculated, like english was a second language. I swallowed._

"_And yet, completely different, very useful abilities," he sounded pleased. All I could see was those crimson eyes, and I wanted to get away. I wanted to squirm and fight this hold. My body felt like fire, and I couldn't move a muscle._

"_You would make a nice asset," he said, and finally released me. My body immediately began to move once more, shivers and goosebumps filling my whole being. I felt tears tumble down my face._

.

I shot up in my bed with a start. My heart was beating at a hundred miles a second. My hands grasped at my neck as my sore throat filled with sweet, sweet air. That couldn't have just been a dream. It felt far too real... _too_ real.

"Maddie, Maddie… breathe," a soft soothing voice said to me. I recognized it as Jacob's. His warm hand rubbed circles on my back.

"Breathe," he urged me. Then he took both of my hands away from my throat, warming them in his. He was so warm…. "You're okay," he assured me. I stared at him as I sucked in desperate breaths. It felt like someone had tried to strangle me.

"What… are you doing here?" I asked slowly as I got my breath back for the most part. I felt so exhausted, but I really wasn't ready to go back to sleep just yet. Jacob looked pensive.

"I don't…" he paused in thought, "actually know." His response certainly didn't sound like something I could believe in that exact moment. I think he could tell from the expression I was giving him.

"I was out with the pack, and next thing I knew I was breaking formation and running here to you because I could _feel_ that something was wrong. My wolf half was freaking out, and you weren't breathing," Jacob started to explain, "I didn't know what to do." He was staring at my hands in his. His fingers turned my hands over, staring at them with the most perplexed expression.

"It's… It's okay now," I said, taking my hands back, "I'm fine now, see." I motioned slightly to myself and put on a brave face. Jacob didn't look very reassured. Jacob's hands had chased after mine, fingertips brushing along my hands as I pulled them further away, toward my chest. I looked up into Jacob's face, wondering what he was thinking.

"Are _you_ okay?" I asked because he was acting strangely and saying things that didn't really make much sense. He didn't garner me with a response, deciding to sand instead.

"Be careful," he told me before slipping out of the window. I hurried over to watch him shapeshift back into a wolf and run into the night. I felt a bit frustrated. He was really running circles around me these days. Ever since that date I had with…

"I have a date! Why wouldn't I be safe?" I shouted suddenly before I could think to even stop myself. I huffed, thinking that ought to teach him. I then proceeded to slam the window shut. With a sigh, I felt just a little bit satisfied with myself.

.

I had gotten ready for school in a rather timely manner the next day, and hurried down the stairs to grab some poptarts and toss them in my backpack before heading out for a nice early morning stroll. However my plans were interrupted. I encountered Jacob outside. He had his truck this time, the _Rabbit_, I think was what he called it.

"Hey, Jacob…?" I trailed off, giving him a confused look. He smiled slightly at me.

"Good morning, Maddie," he began slowly, _awkwardly_, "So you're going on another date?" I was stunned, and I moved back slightly as if I had been punched. I hadn't actually expected him to hear that…

"Uh… _yeah_," I dragged the word out as if I wasn't so sure of this information myself, "What have I got to lose?" I shrugged and looked down at my feet with a frown.

"Don't go," Jacob spoke suddenly, and I looked at him in surprise.

"Why?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together in confusion because that… that was not the anticipated response? My heart was trying to convince me that Jacob was jealous, which was complete nonsense. Hah! He liked Bella! Everyone with eyeballs knew. Everyone who knew Jacob knew, at least. I needed to tell my heart to calm down.

"I have a bad feeling about it," Jacob responded as if that would be enough to convince me. I stared at him with a "are you serious?" expression. I was rather disappointed by this answer of his.

"You don't tell me what to do," I told him as if this information was plain as day. I then attempted to walk past him, figuring the conversation was now over. Jacob caught me by the arm.

"Please, I'm asking you as a friend," he urged me, and I turned to look at him. Oh, I knew it was a bad idea to do so. I knew the sway it would have on my heart. I knew. I knew. I _knew._ But I still looked.

He had the sweetest puppy-dog like expression, and I don't think he was even trying. I almost acquiesced. I really _almost _did. However, the deciding factor was Bella. He loved her, and I couldn't… I wouldn't listen to him. I didn't want to deceive my heart again into thinking that there was even the slimmest chance existed for me and him. I _had_ to say "no" to him.

"I'm allowed to go on dates. I'm single," I replied, "Just because you don't like my choice of date doesn't mean I can't go and find out for myself. After all, he could be the _one_." Something shifted in Jacob's expression, and his grip on me loosened and slipped.

"You can't go," he said in an imploring tone, and I stared into his face for something other than that which made me confused, but that was all I could find. I didn't know what I was supposed to be thinking. I needed Jacob to start making sense.

"Why?" I questioned him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I don't like it," he replied.

"So you're jealous?" I assumed. He frowned slightly at that.

"No," Jacob answered stiffly. I squinted my eyes slightly staring at him with a suspicious expression.

"I don't believe you," I responded. Jacob sighed.

"Well, I need you to," he told me with a serious expression.

"Why's that? I don't _have_ to believe anything," I asserted. Jacob was beginning to seem frustrated. His face was tinged a little with red, and it almost looked like he was blushing.

"Please?" he implored. His face was decidedly off the charts cuteness, so I couldn't say no… _sadly_. I was quite enjoying the minor torture he probably thought I was putting him through.

"Okay," I responded, but it was a lie. I was still going on that date.

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**What's going on? I know, but I'm not telling. :P**

**Please review!**

**~Minatu**

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Guest: Thank you for the review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! Here's a merry little update.**

**I really need to stop writing chapters in class, and pay more attention... However, I have not gotten below a 90 as of thus far, so I can't be doing that bad. I hadn't originally intended to go this route with the story, but things happen. **

**Onwards.**

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"_I watch you like a hawk  
__I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb  
__Will the hunger ever stop?_"

\- "Deathbeds" by Bring Me the Horizon

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Chapter 8

I pulled on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. I couldn't find the shirt I wanted to wear though. It was somewhere over the rainbow. I pulled several articles of clothing out of my drawers with a frustrated groan. It wasn't where I _knew_ I had put it. I looked through the clothes that I strewn across the floor again. It really wasn't there. It was frustrating, not knowing where my stuff was.

I moved on to my closet because _maybe_ \- just maybe - I had hung it up. I found a different, but equally nice shirt. It was just a more flowy, casual sort of shirt. Not like the thin, button-up I had been searching for. Even so, I was fairly pleased with my overall outfit.

I then proceeded to put on some eyeliner and mascara, just a little though. I didn't want to look like I was trying _too_ hard. After all, it was just my first date with Matt. I smeared on some pale pink lip gloss, popping my lips a bit and smiling in the mirror at the end result. It looked very different from my usual self. In fact, my dark circles were invisible with the combination of mascara and cover-up, and my skin looked a thousand times clearer.

I put in my tiny, elephant earrings for good luck. I wanted to have a simple, easy date. I didn't want anything strange to happen, and I was hoping there would even be awkward conversation. It sounded perfect, normal, which was exactly what I wanted.

Matt was taking me to Seattle for dinner and window-shopping. Essentially, we were just going to walk around and talk to each other, perhaps find some fun things to talk about. I walked down the stairs to find Matt already there, waiting on me. He seemed a bit different, but I figured it was just the awkward, first date feelings.

"Hey Matt," I smiled at him, and Charlie watched on suspiciously because that was how he was probably going to look at all my dates now... Matt smiled back with an uneasy expression, and I got the feeling Charlie had been grilling him the whole time.

"Let's go," I motioned toward the door, and Matt jumped out of the chair, all too happy to lead me out the door and to his car. I got in quietly, buckling in and Matt backed out into the road. Then we were off on our date. I was starting to shake out of nervousness. I wasn't completely sure of what I was supposed to expect.

"Are your eyes hazel?" I asked, staring at Matt's face curiously. He smiled slightly, it was an awkward, closed-lipped smile.

"A little," he responded in a tight voice. I wasn't sure why he was acting so nervous. It was just making me more anxious.

"That's crazy that they can get a reddish color to them," I replied, looking away from him then and at the road. It was pretty quiet... Matt wasn't even playing the radio.

"You excited to go to Seattle?" I piped up after a long silence. It felt like this was going to be a rather terrible date. I was going to try though. I had to, after all.

"Not really," Matt answered after a moment, "I'm more excited about spending the whole day with you." My stomach flip-flopped, and I felt my face redden.

"O-oh..." I murmured, pressing my hands to my cheeks. The conversation fell dead again after that. I was too embarrassed to say anything, and I assumed the feeling was mutual since Matt wasn't saying much either.

I stared out the window at the endless forestry, and I wondered why we had seen much of a change of scenery yet. It seemed rather curious to me. I frowned slightly, throwing a glance toward Matt. We had been driving for an hour and a half. We should be halfway to Seattle by then... However, I hadn't seen much other than trees...

"Um... We are going to Seattle, right?" I asked slowly. Matt didn't respond for a long moment, and I didn't even notice the car slowing down.

"No..." Matt sighed, looking at me. His eyes had turned completely red. I jumped in surprise. His eyes looked so scary...

"I'm sorry, Maddie, but we were never going to Seattle. Or on a date, actually," Matt told me, and he had a very cruel smile on his face. I felt my heart rate speed up.

"Wha-what are you talking about?" I asked slowly, my fingers searching for the doorhandle. The other found the seatbelt buckle.

"Well, I've got orders to turn you," Matt replied, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Turn me?" I questioned him, hoping it would distract him enough for me to attempt my escape. Matt burst into laughter. I took my chance.

I quickly threw my seatbelt open, popping the door open and throwing myself out of the moving vehicle. I cried out in pain when I landed. I attempted to roll, but I encountered a tree that knocked the wind out of me. I sucked in a painful breath as darkness engulfed my vision for a moment. I urged my body to recover from the shock faster. I had to move.

I heard the tires screech against the asphalt, and my vision returned, blurry, and I was rather disoriented and dizzy. I pushed up onto my feet, grappling the tree trunk, bark digging into the palms of my hands. I gasped, pulling air into my lungs. My legs were shaking beneath my weight.

The sound of a car door slamming got me moving though. I sprinted into the forest as quickly as my shaking legs would take me. Pain splintered up through every part of me, but it was dulling and disappearing into the back of my mind. I had a feeling that Matt was no longer the Matt that I knew, perhaps that Matt never existed though.

I was frozen in place by Matt appearing in front of me. He was grinning. I tumbled backward, falling onto my butt. I still attempted to skitter backward, coming in contact with yet another tree. I stared at Matt with wide eyes.

"Do you know what a vampire is, Maddie?" Matt asked, kneeling before me. He reached down to lift one of my bloodied hands. He brought the palm to his lips, dragging his tongue across the dirty, bleeding cuts. I choked on a scream. Matt grinned against my skin, breathing in the scent. I was petrified. I didn't know what to do. My whole body wouldn't listen to me. No matter how much I screamed at it to _move_, to get _away_. I didn't want him near me anymore.

"You will," Matt told me, "You're going to be one." He climbed over me, his lips coming close to my neck. He was so cold, and I didn't feel a single breath touch my skin. Nor did I hear him breathe. It made my blood run cold. I couldn't even close my eyes. It was my terrible fate to watch him murder me.

He bit me, and I wanted to scream. I really, really did. It was so painful. The pain consumed my mind, and I could no longer think of anything else. It burned through me, and I wanted it to stop. I clawed at the source, and finally, let out a scream as my mind was consumed by this fire.

I wanted someone to save me, so desperately. I begged and begged for someone to come and make this all stop, to make the pain go away. To please, _please_ kill me and end this suffering. I couldn't stand existing anymore. I wanted to escape reality. I wanted to be anywhere except with myself, and I had never wanted anything more in my life.

And if I woke up with red eyes, I would kill myself. There was no pain like this one. I was sure I could do it with ease. I wouldn't want to be anything other than myself. A human. I wanted to remain alive. I couldn't drink blood. I couldn't. I was going to die. I was going to die... I was dying, and I was terrified. I wanted so badly to live.

"You're so fragile..." I could hear someone whisper in my ear, "So soft... So warm and weak." My life was the fire though, and very soon it disappeared into just the darkness, and this unbearable pain. I wanted to die.

**.**

I woke up shivering, shaking and freezing to death. It was so fucking cold. Why was it cold? I couldn't see either. All there was, was darkness. I was frightened. I struggled to move my arms, but I couldn't seem to find them. My heart filled with fear until I felt them move and press against my eyes. My fingers were met with a soft fabric. I let out a soft sigh. Maybe I wasn't blind.

"You're awake!" a familiar voice spoke. I wasn't sure who it was. I searched through my memory, but it was jumbled, and I felt so confused and disoriented that I couldn't concentrate enough to figure out who was speaking to me. It was a comforting voice though, and they sounded happy that I was awake.

"How are you feeling?"

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**Cliff hanger!**

**Please review.**

**~Minatu**

* * *

ObsessedwReading: I actually really appreciate how dedicated you are to reviewing each chapter. It gives me such joy! I'm very glad that you are reading and letting me know that you like it, even if it is but a brief thought. All reviews are wonderful.

Elle Ryder: Did you find your answer?

MyHeartIsANightingale: Indeed. :)

Pinkchic1200: He is very jealous, and I think he might just reveal his feelings soon enough.

MariMart: How did you like the date? It happened. And of course Jacob is still an idiot. I'm pretty sure he got a bag of rocks instead of a brain, but at least he's a nice bag of rocks.


	9. Chapter 9

**I've been watching Moribito on Netflix, and it's pretty good so far. Also, I finally broke down and bought FF:XIII, so if I don't update in a week, it's because I'm addicted.**

**Fun fact! This was originally a part of Chapter 8, but I thought a cliff hanger would be good for my readers.**

**Onwards.**

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Chapter 9

I swallowed, wriggling in the bed and pushing myself into a sitting position. I felt lopsided, and didn't know why. I sat still for a moment, then moved to remove the bandages on my eyes.

"Wait!" The voice cried out, but it was too late. Light filled my eyes, and it burned a little bit. I curled into myself slightly, squeezing my eyes shut at the same time. I blinked several times until my eyes finally adjusted, focusing on the bandages in my hands. I tightened my fingers around them with a frown on my face. At least I was able to see…

I turned slowly to where the voice had come from moments ago. I practically jumped in surprise when I realized who it was, "M-mom?" I spoke in a voice that did not sound much like my own, and I was a bit confused. I reached up with one hand to cover my mouth. It had been a while since I had heard her voice, but I was surprised that I hadn't realized it was her the moment I heard it. She smiled at me.

"Good morning, pumpkin," my mom said in a gentle tone. She reached forward to grab my hand, and I found myself retracting the moment she did. I felt a bit wary.

"Where's Dad? Or Bella?" I asked, curling my limbs in closer to myself. She sighed, placing her hand back into her lap where it belonged. I stared at her expectantly.

"They're in Forks," she answered after a long moment. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking around the room with a frown on my face. I was in a hospital, I could tell that much. It looked scarily pristine, and I had never really liked hospitals to begin with. I wanted to leave.

"If they're in Forks, then where are we?" I inquired, feeling disoriented and confused now. I shouldn't have left Forks… that was where I was attacked. It just didn't make any sense. I could feel my stomach twisting. I slowly looked back over at my mom, who looked like she was about to give me the greatest news of my life. I had a feeling we were not going to see eye-to-eye in this aspect.

"In Florida!" she responded with far too much enthusiasm, "I thought it would be good for you to come here and start living with me again once you woke up. I'm sure you and Phil will get along wonderfully too. You know, he makes the best lasagna… You still love lasagna, right?" She was trying very hard to convince me of her opinion. I merely felt my heart sink further. I looked away from her then.

"Oh…" I said in a soft voice. I didn't know how to react. I had thought about doing this a lot, moving back in with my mother. It was the running away from reality solution, but now that it had been made for me as opposed to of my own volition, I felt rather upset. Even if I had wanted to leave Forks, I didn't want someone to just take me from there without me being able to say my "so long"s and "farewell"s.

"After you were attacked…" my mother started up nervously, "You became very ill. You had a raging fever that broke twice, only to come right back, and you would shake and cry out in the most miserable ways. One doctor told me I was going to… to… to lose you!" She had tears in her eyes know. It must have been very stressful for her. I looked down at the pale, tile floor.

"One doctor mentioned warmer weather might help, and since you have always had such a weak constitution, I couldn't ignore his advice. After a week, I started thinking you might never wake up again… I'm so glad," she smiled at me and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. I didn't know what to say. I curled my arms around myself, and that was when I noticed the bandages on my upper arm. I stared at the clean wrappings. I couldn't feel any warmth beneath them. I couldn't stop staring.

"How long was I…?" I began, but I wasn't entirely sure how I was supposed to phrase the question. I ran my fingers up and down the wrappings idly, wondering what I looked like beneath them. Were there loud, angry and red scars littering my skin now, or were they paler, blending into the rest of my skin? Did they look horrible, like some beast tried to tear me apart? I wondered…

"It's been almost three weeks," she answered, staring at her hands for a moment before she looked back up at me, smiling once again. Tears had stained her face, and I noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes then. Her eyes looked a bit swollen too, probably from all the crying she had been doing. My mom looked much older than I remembered…

"I-" I opened my mouth, but my mother shook her head quickly.

"I can't let you go back there. Not after this. It's too dangerous, and I couldn't bear it if you got hurt again, or…" my mom swallowed tightly, wringing her hands. I didn't say anything, and merely stared at her. I didn't feel a thing. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. As if all of this wasn't actually happening to me, but someone else. I felt like I was in some stranger's body, and I didn't know what to do.

**.**

When I finally left the hospital, my mom moved me into the spare bedroom at her house. The whole room was so unfamiliar. I didn't like it. It wasn't like my bedroom in Phoenix that held all my childhood eccentricities, and it definitely wasn't my room in Forks that held all of the personality I had had before… No, this room was empty and pale blue. It made me feel like I had been estranged.

I laid down on the bed in the middle of the room, and stared at the blank ceiling for a long time, wordlessly. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I moved my hands out in front of my face and stared at them. I moved my fingers, wiggled them, and it all felt so strange. So surreal. I didn't know what to do with this existence that I had. I was alive, I merely _was_.

Phil helped me bring in a few things that Charlie had sent me. It was things that he thought I might like to keep. He and Bella hadn't missed a thing that I considered a necessity. The packages also included several letters from Willow, and a "get well soon!" card from Charlie and Bella. That one made me smile. The little wolves were a nice touch too.

Willow's first letter was completely unreadable, all smeared with ink and tears. I got about three words from three entirely different paragraphs out of it. Not to mention that Willow's handwriting was already rather terrible. The next one was far more legible, and it just said that I was still going to be a senior even though I missed the last couple weeks of school. I figured as much though. The letter made me smile.

The third one was a "get well soon" card that she and Embry had signed. The two were my favorite pair of people, and I wondered what was going on in Forks, especially with her and all the werewolf stuff. She had to be lonely there. I had been her best friend, after all. I stared at each of her letters for a long time. They made me feel like myself again, but I had a feeling I wasn't quite ready to call her yet.

I crawled into bed, curling into myself and starting to cry. I felt so strange at home with my mom and Phil. It didn't feel like home. It felt more like a prison that I was trapped in. All of me wanted to leave, but I didn't have the strength to fight back.

Later, I decided to call Willow. I slunk out into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the charger, quickly typing Willow's number in and calling. It took two rings for Willow to answer, and at that point I was already drowning in anxiety. Maybe she'd forgotten about me… or I was just exaggerating my importance to her…

"Hello?" I heard Willow say, and it was a giant relief just to hear her voice.

"Hi, Willow," I said softly. My hands were shaking. I was scared that she wouldn't recognize my voice, or that she wouldn't want to talk to me.

There was a long pause.

"...Maddie?" Willow asked in a nervous way, and I felt my stomach twist itself into knots.

"Uh huh," I nodded, clutching the phone tightly.

"Maddie!" Willow cheered with such joy that all of my anxieties were just blown away. I felt a grin spread across my face, "When are you coming back? I need to see you with my own two eyes to make sure you're in perfect condition."

"I…" I felt myself choke on my own words, "I don't know." I knew then just how desperately I missed her, and also what a big part of my life she was. I needed my best friend in my life, and hopefully she felt the same.

"What are you talking about? You are coming back to Forks, right?" Willow asked in a tiny voice. I swallowed, feeling the bite of tears at the edge of my eyes. I didn't know what to say. Every part of me wanted to lie and say "of course", but I just didn't know… I wasn't even sure if my mom would even allow me to consider the idea of going back.

"I don't know," I responded. The silence that followed this answer didn't make me feel any better about the situation.

"But… you've got to come back," Willow replied, her voice trembling, "I need my best friend." I stared at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, everything, and I couldn't find an answer anywhere in my surroundings. What was I supposed to say?

"I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to…" I said slowly, "She was pretty hysterical about this. She thinks Forks is cursed…" I felt so small and powerless here. My mom controlled almost every aspect of my life currently, and on my own, I could barely operate. I had covered most of the mirrors because I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. The scars on my neck, ear and cheek were all I could see sometimes. My left side looked as if I had been maimed, horribly. I couldn't feel a lot of things with my left hand too.

"She can't stop you from visiting your dad, Maddie," Willow told me. I sighed, touching my neck with my free hand, hiding what I could of the scars.

"I'll try," I promised.

"That's all I can ask for," Willow responded. She waited a moment before adding, "I miss you." I blinked back my surprise, feeling myself warm with happiness.

"I miss you too," I snivelled. I felt like I was going to cry. Willow laughed on the other end.

"Don't cry, Maddie… You're going to make me cry," she laughed, and I could tell she was already crying. We talked for a little while longer on the phone. I enjoyed every moment of our conversation, but afterwards, I felt so terribly exhausted. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't even entirely sure what to make of our whole predicament. I _did_ want to go back to Forks, but there was a big difference between what I wanted and what I could actually have, and that was what really sucked about it all.

"_Mrrow_?" I felt something rub against my leg, and I looked down to see a happy looking and fuzzy as hell tabby cat. I smiled slightly, reaching down to scoop her up in my arms. I hugged Cookie to me, breathing in her kitty smell and taking such comfort in the overall warmth of the tiny cat. Cookie just purred and purred in response, smiling up at me the whole time. She was such a gift, a blessing. I loved her so much. She was my precious cinnamon roll, and I would hold her until the end of time if that was what she wanted.

I never knew I liked cats.

**.**

I woke with a start, panting. It was still dark outside. I felt like I had seen the most horrible thing in the whole world, and yet I couldn't remember a single detail of the dream. I curled into my pillow, trying to hide from the terrors of my mind as I began to cry.

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**In other news, I believe Maddie was dying when he birthday occurred. Sucks to be her.**

**Please review!**

**~ Minatu**

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MariMart: I believe you're a bit upset. Maybe you should lay down.

Elle Ryder: What are you confused about? I'm sure I could explain.

Also, big thank you to all three of the _guests_ that reviewed my story!


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello again! I'm back… **

**So, I know I said I probably grew obsessed with the FFXIV game, but in actuality, I became entirely engrossed in Dragon Age: Origins, and I'm currently working on Dragon Age II. ALSO, I found out that I do **_**indeed**_ **have a stress fracture in my leg after two weeks of waiting for whatever BS was necessary for that nonsense… So I'm stuck in Mississippi until August at the very least, which is terribly frustrating, mind you.**

**Anyhow, I'm sure you guys would rather read the chapter than a rant so…**

**Onwards.**

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Chapter 10

"I want to go back to Forks," I said, staring holes until Phil, who just so happened to be the poor victim sitting across from me. He smiled slightly in response.

"Why?" my mom immediately asked with a note of distress in her voice, "Charlie said that you thought about moving here more than once." I sighed. It was just like her to completely miss the point that I was endeavoring to convey.

"I never did though, now did I?" I responded with far more sass than was called for. Phil was frowning now, in that disapproving way that parents do. My mom merely looked at me with a very badly concealed sadness.

"No…" she paused for a moment, looking down at her fork as she poked at her food with it, "We only did it because we thought it would be for the best. You would be _home_." This was becoming increasingly difficult to bring up, and I had backed down before when she acted like this. I couldn't let that happen again.

"Forks _is_ my home now," I replied in a firm tone, "I've never been to this house before, never lived in Florida before… I have friends in Forks, and I certainly do not have them here. I don't want to start over _all over_ again." I felt frustrated. My hands balled into fists around my silverware. There were tears in my eyes, and I couldn't understand why. Why was I unable to keep a grasp on my emotions?

"Don't cry, Mads… You can start taking ballet again, make new friends... " my mom began, attempting to comfort me with pretty words. It wasn't working, "And you'll have me too, pumpkin."

"I don't want that. I never liked ballet, and I certainly don't want to make new friends. I want my _old_ friends. I want to graduate with the people I know!" I snapped, rising out of my chair. I stormed off not moments later.

After I calmed down a bit, I wandered out to apologize for my actions. Phil took it upon himself to sit me down and chat with me about how much my mom would talk about Bella and I, how much she loved and missed us. I know that his intentions were to merely make me think about my mom's side of the story, but he only succeeded in making me feel incredibly guilty. I frowned at my hands and didn't participate much in the conversation at first.

Then Cookie placed herself in my lap with the expectation of attention and provided just enough distraction for me. She purred loudly, grinning at Phil who was staring at me and waiting for me to say something. It was terribly awkward, and I was having a hard time looking at him.

"I…" I swallowed, finding it difficult to say this with all the self-loathing and guilt I was feeling in that moment. It would have been easier if I was self-absorbed and didn't _already_ plague my thoughts with the same things that Phil was making increasingly apparent to me, "I can't stay here... I'll be miserable, and honestly, I don't think that will make either of us happy." Phil adjusted his leg on the coffee table. His cast was covered with scribbled names, probably from all the boys on his little league team he was very proud of.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, and I couldn't say I was surprised by the question.

"I'll graduate with a bunch of acquaintances. I'll know them, but I won't have any lasting or particularly good friendships with anyone. I may not even like anyone in my classes, and I really, really miss Forks," I replied, stroking Cookie gently and frowning deeply. I felt like I was repeating myself at this point, and perhaps I just didn't have a very strong argument.

"You can't say you have something before you even give it a chance," Phil pointed out in a very fatherly way that stone-walled me. I didn't know what to say. Part of me was rather appalled by that point. I was growing to dislike my step-father because of this conversation. It was like he wasn't listening to my opinion at all. He just wasn't getting it. Just like how my mom didn't get it. It wasn't just the friends… It was also Charlie. I had bonded with him, and he felt like more of a parent than my mom did, as terrible as that was to say. But, Charlie listened to me and helped me through some especially hard times that I don't think either Phil or my mom would even know how to begin to handle.

"I know what I would prefer. If I have no desire to try something, being forced to through guilt and parental power is certainly not going to make it any better. Maybe you and my mom could try _listening_ to the words that come out of my mouth as opposed to telling me what _you_ want or _you'd _prefer," I snapped, scaring Cookie who promptly leapt from my lap and stalked elsewhere.

Phil's face turned bright red, and he looked like he was about to say something to me, but he didn't. I knew I had crossed a line there with my words, so I stood and left the room. He couldn't convince me that I didn't want to go to Forks. It was like trying to climb infinite stairs; it's impossible to get to the top.

.

"Hi, Dad… How are you?" I asked, leaning my face into the cool plastic of the receiver. It was so hot outside that I was still sweating while I was standing in the air conditioning.

"I'm good. Bella's graduation was a few days ago, so she's catching up on sleep today," Charlie responded, and it was nice to hear his voice. I missed him…

"Sorry, I missed it," I replied in a tiny voice.

"Oh no! It's no problem. Bella says it's not your fault; you need your bed rest," Charlie told me, and I smiled slightly.

"I'm glad she wasn't too upset," I sighed in relief. I still needed to get her gift to her. I had bought one a last week. I wanted to give it to her in person though.

"Well, I think she was more preoccupied with _other_ things," Charlie replied, and I figured he was talking about dresses, freedom and most importantly, Edward.

"So I bought a plane ticket to Forks. I want to move back in with you, if that's okay…" I started nervously. I could feel my hands shaking.

"You're always welcome here," Charlie reassured me, and I felt a grin spread across my face. I almost started crying, but I managed to hold that back.

"Thank you," I cheered in a tiny voice. Charlie chuckled in response, and he had literally made my entire week in that phone call.

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**Short chapter (my apologies on that one. It was a hassle to get me to type this up in the past two days... the struggle was real. I'm really not doing so great right now... I think I'm going to have to start visiting a therapist again). **

**Please review, if you feel so inclined.**

**~ Minatu**

* * *

Elle Ryder: Did you figure it out? If not, here are the answers to all three of your questions: no, yes, no, and it was meant to be confusing. The narrator was confused too.

Innocence and Instinct: I'm happy to hear you're enjoying this! Girrrrllll, that boy wouldn't know sense if it hit him in the face.

MariMart: No and yes. And you weren't rude, I quite enjoyed your sass. It certainly made me smile.

d112hpfan: Thank you! And I think you'll just have to read and find out... (although there cannot be romance without interaction if that tells you anything at all).

ObsessedwReading: Thank you!

Guest: I'm glad to hear you like my story. I hope you continue reading it~ :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey-o! I'm back with another chapter~ (edited by the lovely _Shellbell-san_. She's the greatest, just so you know :P ). **

**I got to see a B&amp;N for the first time in months yesterday. It was so small! It also didn't have the books I was looking for... go figure. I also learned the horror of brand-name make up prices. Sweet mother of gods... How is that stuff so expensive? **

**Anyways, onward.**

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Chapter 11

My airplane had landed about ten minutes ago, and I had found my luggage. However, I had not managed to find Charlie. I thumbed my phone nervously, wondering if I should text him again. Maybe that would be annoying, though… I didn't want Charlie to be upset with me. I felt like I had already burdened him a lot by coming back to Forks with my mom's implicit agreement. She had thrown a pretty huge fit‒ _er_, paroxysm…

I screwed my eyes shut, letting out a loud sigh and spinning my phone in my hand idly. _It's going to be okay_. I opened my eyes again, looking around at the airport. It had suddenly become empty and dim looking. I blinked again, and the airport was back to normal. I rubbed my temples with a frown. I was getting another headache, and I had forgotten where I had shoved my pills. They were somewhere in my suitcase…

I turned my phone screen on, checking to see if Charlie had messaged me back yet. _Still nothing_. I shifted my weight again, rubbing my upper arm. _Where is he?_ I was hoping Charlie would show up soon because I really didn't want to be in the airport a moment longer.

"Maddie!" I looked up from my phone to see Charlie waving. A smile broke out onto my face, and I waved back. I almost ran over to hug him, but my arms were full of stuff.

"Hey, kiddo," Charlie said, ruffling my hair and taking my suitcase and my duffle from me, "How've you been?" I frowned slightly in thought.

"I've been alright," I responded after a moment, my headache forgotten about for the moment. I smiled slightly at Charlie, "And you?" I didn't really feel like talking about myself all that much anyway.

"I've been good. Things are finally settling down at the station since the last incident… Apparently we were just chasing after big foot out in the forest for a few months," Charlie chuckled nervously, setting my bags into the back of his car.

"That's too bad," I responded in a sympathetic tone. "So what do you think was killing people, then?" Charlie frowned in thought, pausing in front of the trunk. He rubbed his hand over his stubble quickly.

"It seems like we're looking at a homicide case," he said in a troubled tone. I wasn't sure what to think about that. I could feel my stomach twisting into knots.

"Do you think… that…" I struggled to ask the question, the pain in my head flaring back up. The airport parking lot was empty, except for a singular figure. I blinked, and it was gone, just like before. My headache was back in full force. I sat down in the passenger side, rubbing my temples.

"I don't know, sweetie," Charlie squeezed my shoulder and started up the car. I hadn't even noticed that he had gotten into the driver's seat.

**.**

Charlie pulled up into the driveway. The ride there had felt like forever, but I felt extremely relieved to be back home again. My headache was gone, and a nice, comforted feeling encased me. _Home_. I was glad to be there again.

I hopped out to help Charlie pull my things out of the trunk, and I was a bit surprised to see Bella hurry out to tuck me into her arms with a huge grin.

"It's so good to see you, Mads!" Bella grinned, holding my face in her hands. I noticed that her left hand was doing a fairly good job of hiding the jagged scars on my skin. I mustered up a smile for Bella.

"Hey…" I said, and my voice sounded rather lackluster. Bella dropped her hands, squeezed my upper arms, then moved to help Charlie with the last of my bags. They left me with just my backpack to carry in. I slung it over my shoulder and slowly followed after them, taking in everything. It didn't seem like much had changed. It was warmer out, though. It really was summer…

"How was graduation?" I asked Bella as she dropped my duffle onto the floor. She paused for a moment in consideration.

"It was awesome! Also, _look_!" Bella cheerily held her hand out toward me, and I felt the world start spinning. She was wearing a _ring_! An engagement ring! She was getting married! _What in the Sam heck is going on here_? I placed a hand on the door frame to keep on my feet.

"_What_?" I started slowly, "When?" I was baffled. I had no idea what to say, but suddenly, I was in tears and I didn't know what to do about it. I wiped at my face quickly.

"Maddie? Are you okay?" Bella approached me with her arms open but didn't touch me. She looked like she really didn't know what to do. "I'm sorry… I thought you'd be happy…" I shook my head, calming myself as quickly as I could.

"No, no…" I responded, waving my hands in front of my face, "I just… It felt like I was losing you, y'know? You're getting married to Edward, right?" Bella smiled gently at me, and she looked just like she did when we were younger then. Before Forks, before everything became weird between us.

"Yeah, I am," she told me, and for some reason, it felt like I had lost her forever.

**.**

"Maddie!" Willow wrapped me in her arms with a loud cheer. I hugged her back, a big grin spreading across my face.

"Hey, Will," I replied, pressing my face into her shoulder. She always smelled like home and vanilla. It was nice. I had really missed her. Willow ran her hand over my hair gently for a few minutes before pulling away to get a good look at my face.

"Look at you…" she frowned, poking at the rough scars on my chin, "You look so much older now, you know?" Willow was smiling sadly, and she was speaking about my scars in a way that made me feel comfortable. It was easier than directly saying it.

"Do I?" I asked, "Because I think it's you who looks older. Did you gain an inch or two?" I raised a hand over her head, grinning in a teasing manner. Willow frowned at me and jabbed me in the stomach, knocking the air right out of me. I bent over slightly, now at a position where I was beneath Willow.

"Now you're just being a jerk!" she pouted. I smiled at her nervously.

"I'm sorry, oh powerful Willow," I gasped, "However can I get you to forgive me?" Willow started to smirk, crossing her arms.

"Oh… I don't think I can," she said sagely. Then she broke, and we erupted into a fit of laughter that Charlie could probably hear inside.

"Let's go inside," I suggested, motioning toward the house. Willow agreed, and we hurried inside, talking about all the things I missed and officially avoiding the topic of my attack.

**.**

I was in the forest, but it was strange. I couldn't hear anything. There was no wind, not a bird… _nothing_. It was unnerving. I glanced around, wondering what I was supposed to be doing, where I should be going.

Then, _then_ there were the screams. They were profound and incited terror. I was shaken to the core by the mere sound of each screech that broke the silence of the night. I pressed my palms to my ears. I was shaking… It didn't help. Instead, it seemed like the shrieks were only growing louder.

I felt a scream tear through my throat as I tried to shut my eyes, but couldn't. Instead, I watched as a crow tilted its head and stared… it just _stared_.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review.**

**~Minatu**

* * *

Innocence and Instinct: Someone's about to have several eye-openers... T.T

MariMart: Thank you! I think you'll (sort of) find out soon.

Shellbell-san: shoosh, love. I'm editing, I promise.

Guest: thank you~ :)

lokidoki9: Lol, wow I haven't actually read any other stories like my own so I'm surprised to hear that mine is different. Thanks!


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey there, my awesome readers. I'm back with another chapter. I thought I wasn't going to do one after the _awful_ week I had, but apparently I am much more resilient than I thought. Woo woo. **

**Onwards.**

* * *

_Reflections becoming inspections  
__Of what you as and what's really there  
__Eyes dressed in disguise  
__As portals to life and it's demise  
__Wonder as loud as thunder  
__Light showed the insight_

\- "Kings and Queens" by Misterwives

* * *

Chapter 12

I pressed my hand to my chest, hard, and rubbed in slow circles. I was having trouble breathing, and my chest felt tight. I'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, and I took that to be a result of the incongruities that had recently settled into me. I ran a hand through my greasy hair, figuring I was in dire need of a shower, and honestly, a shower really sounded great, so I padded down the hall to the bathroom.

I stood beneath the warm water, poking at my stomach. Despite feeling like I had grown chubbier, my body appeared to be slimmer. I felt really disatisfied with the appearance of it, and for some reason, I couldn't work up any desire to change it anyway. I pressed my forehead against the cool wall, keeping most of my body beneath the spray. I felt so tired… at the edge of my mind, I could feel the indignant pulse of my perpetual headache. It was like a warning, saying, _I'll be showing back up soon enough_. I didn't want it to.

I let out another long sigh, wanting to get out of the shower and go _do_ something, but also wanting to stay right where I was and maybe succeed in chasing away the headache that was threatening to break through any minute now. It was probably because I wasn't eating properly, the headaches… I didn't want to believe that, though. My lack of appetite was something I was unable to do anything about. I was powerless to solve the issue. Half the time, I could barely get something down before I started feeling sick. It was almost as if the food was turning to ash in my mouth. It was gross. I didn't know what I was supposed to do to even solve this issue. How could I get better?

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower slowly, pulling my pale blue towel around me. I glanced into the mirror at my reflection. The bags around my eyes were a deep purple. I looked gaunt, and my condition had only worsened since I returned to Forks… but I wanted to be there. It was almost as if something here was beckoning me to stay, and I had no idea why that was. I touched a hand to the side of my face, feeling the rough bumps of my scars. They were very unpleasant to look at, and yet I couldn't make myself to look away.

"What is wrong with me?" I whispered to my reflection. The me in the mirror had nothing to say in response, not that I expected one. I was still a bit disappointed though. I couldn't even remember being attacked, and yet… I looked away from my reflection resolutely, letting out a deep sigh. I didn't know what to do about this situation. I covered my eyes with my cool hand, focusing on my breathing. I was panicking, and I didn't even understand why, which only heightened my embarrassment and terror.

I slowly pulled myself back into reality, squeezing my eyes shut and wiping the tears away before they got too far. I couldn't believe I had just sat in the floor of the bathroom for what felt like hours and just cried and freaked out about being alive. I adjusted the towel around myself and walked to my bedroom slowly. I felt so unlike myself.

I sat in my room for a while with just a pair of sweatpants and a bra on, staring at the wall. I had apparently spaced out, and while I was in my trance, two hours had passed without me even noticing. It was a little shell shocking. I didn't know how to feel about it, but it felt like there was something _wrong_, and I had just forgotten about it.

I pressed my hands against my temples as my headache came back full force with such ferocity that I wanted to scream. I pulled my suitcase open, scattering clothes across the floor, frantically searching for the pain medication that was hidden somewhere in it. I took it quickly with trembling hands, dry swallowing two of the slender pills like a pro. I pressed my eyes closed, feeling relieved already even though the level of pain hadn't changed at all.

With the hope that fresh air would also help with my headache, I grabbed my sketchpad and a few pencils and headed out. Maybe I could finally draw again now that I was back in Forks. My hands were itching for something to do anyway. I missed drawing a lot, even though I never bothered to draw a thing while I was in Florida.

I walked along the road, staring at the ground. I wasn't really paying attention to what was in front of me, neither did I particularly want to. I could already hear the sea; it was a nice sound. It seemed to calm me to some degree. I looked up then, noticing a shadow, and found Embry walking with Willow. They were holding hands and speaking quietly to one another. I figured they hadn't seen me yet and waited until Embry looked up to wave. Embry smiled, and Willow waved at me with vigor.

"Hi!" Willow shouted, motioning for me to walk toward them. I smiled slightly and moved toward them quickly.

"Hey," I began in a soft voice when I was close enough for them to hear me. I didn't really want to shout.

"I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?" Embry asked, probably because of politeness as opposed to actual curiosity. I would bet money on Willow having told him prior to our meeting.

"Okay," I responded with a heavy sigh. Embry looked a bit perplexed, but didn't question me further. Willow shook my arm slightly.

"Well, don't just fall asleep on us," she said in a fond tone. I blinked, opening my mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger to her lips. Embry seemed a bit on edge suddenly.

"_What's_…?" I mouthed at Willow, pointing to her boyfriend. Willow shrugged, and we waited for whatever Embry seemed nervous about to show itself. It just so happened that it was Jacob. The over-grown child stumbled out of the forest, drenched in sweat, and had the dumbest grin on his face. He was also clad in a mere pair of shorts, not even bothering with a shirt. It was cold out! I didn't care if he was a werewolf… that sort of thing seemed a bit dangerous for his health.

A leaner boy tumbled out after him in the same state of undress, equally sweaty and grinning from ear to ear. Jacob laughed at something the other boy said, clapping him on the shoulder in a companionable manner. Then he looked up and over, and stumbled a little… how very suave. I almost laughed at him, but was frozen in place by the deep and guttural growl that came from Embry. Willow looked just as wide-eyed and confused as I felt.

Jacob approached slowly with the other boy in tow. Embry eyed Jacob warily, but didn't do a thing to stop his approach. I was still wondering what had gotten into Embry and found myself rather busy holding a conversation of expressions with Willow to notice the silent warning that was passed from Embry to Jacob.

"You're back," Jacob breathed in a strangely soft voice that I hadn't heard him use before. I slowly looked over at him, feeling cautious. I hadn't thought about my undying love for this boy in several weeks, and I wasn't exactly excited about feeling those feelings again.

"It would appear so," I responded with a tight feeling in my chest. I felt Willow grab my wrist, ready to pull me away if Jacob overstepped his welcome. Suddenly it made sense why Embry was so on guard. He was _worried_ about _me_. I felt fuzzy and warm then. I gave Willow a reassuring smile, even though I wasn't really feeling it. I was just so glad to have them there with me for this.

"It's nice to see you again," he started gently, and I immediately looked away and to the stranger who was standing awkwardly, just a few steps behind Jacob.

"And who is this strapping young fellow you've got with you?" I asked in a forced voice, a painful smile pulling at my face. Willow laughed at that, and Jacob pulled a face, but I didn't really pay much attention to it.

"His name is Seth Clearwater," Embry supplied helpfully. I felt a more natural, easy smile replace the other smile that had been on my face once the tight feeling in my chest had eased a bit.

"Well, it's certainly nice to meet you," I said in a cheerful tone, "My name's Maddie. I'm assuming you're also a werewolf?" Seth, the adorable kid, jumped at my question, looking quite startled. Embry did as well. Apparently no one expected me to be so forward about it. I didn't really care though; I couldn't bring myself to. There was just no way I could muster enough of my locked up and compressed emotions to do so.

"U-uh, yeah…" Seth responded in a quiet, shy tone. I nodded sagely, and Jacob was appraising me with an odd expression on his face. I decided to pretend that I didn't notice.

"That's pretty exciting, huh?" I asked. I watched as a smile spread across the boy's face. He looked about fourteen with that grin of his, and he was so terribly cute.

"Yeah, it's weird, too, though," he started, and I could tell that he was getting more comfortable with me. Willow told me later that Jacob seemed to be pouting when I started monopolizing Seth, and I told her that Jacob was probably upset about me stealing his adorable boyfriend. Willow laughed for a long time at that before thinking about it seriously and turning bright red.

"Oh my gods, could you _imagine_?" she asked me in a hushed voice then. I grinned wolfishly at her.

"The perfect seme and uke," I responded. Willow put a hand over her mouth to hide her smile, and I felt a bit giddy at the prospect because I knew it was true, "Just imagine it. Jacob's like this super bara guy, and then Seth's this little, shouta boy… It's perf!" Willow started laughing uncontrollably, and I felt a tiny twinge in my heart. It still hurt pretending Jacob liked someone…

"We should stop… I don't even want to think about those _two_..." Willow cringed, and I nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah, I agree. Though, Seth does look totally gay," I responded, raising my eyebrows at Willow and hoping that she was getting what I was putting down.

"Oh, definitely," Willow nodded with a serious expression, "Although he definitely doesn't like Jacob." I nodded in agreement.

"No," I concurred, "Or we would have experienced severe puppy eyes all day." Willow grinned for a moment then threw a pillow at me.

"Stop! You're filling my mind with dirty thoughts," she said, blushing bright red, and I laughed loudly.

"Your discomfort brings me such joy," I replied with an exaggerated evil laugh. Willow giggled, and her laugh was a nice sound, very comforting. I felt happier than I had in a while just sitting there with her. Willow had a very motherly aura.

"Shut up," she pouted, and I did, opting to start watching _Jojo's Bizarre Adventure_ with her for a while. We had recently finished _Utena_ and had moved on to this utterly ridiculous anime. It usually managed to get a few giggles out of both of us, even if they were mildly awkward ones.

.

I was sitting outside, and I didn't feel too frightened by how big the world seemed from my perch on the cliff. My feet were hanging over the edge, below were crashing waves and it was kind of, maybe just a little, exhilerating. I couldn't look down at the water; knowing that it was there was enough for me.

I leaned back a little, staring up at the sky with a small smile on my face. It was a nice, warm day, which was a rare thing. At least compared to the heat of a Floridian summer, it felt merely warm. I liked it, though. I liked that it didn't necessarily get hot in Forks (and it did get hot, but not like in Florida or Arizona; that heat was very different). Then, rather suddenly, a shadow fell over me (I almost jumped), and I looked over my shoulder, finding Jacob was the reason for the shade.

"What are you up to?" he asked in a low, careful voice. I wondered why he was acting different from how he usually did… maybe it was because the last time we spoke, I confessed to him? I thought that was the last time we spoke, so…

"Just enjoying the sunshine," I replied with a small smile. I patted the dirt next to me, "Come, sit with me." I figured I couldn't avoid him forever, and friendship was probably better than nothing in the grand scheme of things. Jacob hesitated before finally sitting next to me.

"You have a sunburn," he said, poking my cheek with a frown on his face. I smiled slightly.

"So, that's why I felt a little warm," I responded with a laugh, being careful to not pull away too harshly from the touch. I was surprised that he had even done that. Jacob looked like he had something on his mind, so I didn't blame him for the invasion of space. Though I wasn't sure the next infraction would go over so well.

"You didn't notice?" he asked, looking kind of surprised, "Isn't it painful?"

"Oh, not at first. If it's bad enough, I'll feel it tomorrow morning, though," I answered with a dismissive wave of my hand. Jacob stared at me for a long moment, and I thought he was going to tell me something, but he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked slowly, "You look like you haven't slept much." He was more observant than I gave him credit for. His eyes fell a bit, taking me in before meeting my eyes again. I wondered what was going through his mind.

"I'm fine…" I gave a strained laugh, not really wanting to talk about it. I couldn't just tell him that I'd been having nightmares. That sort of thing never really went over well; also, what could he actually do about it anyway?

"Please don't lie to me," Jacob said in a soft, hurt voice. I was surprised by it. I turned to look at him, really look. I didn't actually know what to say to that, but I kind of wanted to punch him for it because he was being an arse about my decision to not want to tell him, and suddenly I was angry, like this fire had suddenly started in my stomach. I felt the frown suddenly form on my face.

"_Fuck. You_," I said, pointing a shaking finger at him, "You don't tell me what I can and can't do. I am allowed to keep things from you if I damn well please." I rose to my feet and made a hard left-face, storming away from La Push with a sense of purpose to my step.

"Maddie!" Jacob called after me, but he didn't chase me. I was glad that he gave me at least that. I knew he hadn't intended to upset me, but I was sick and tired of being told what to do. My mother and her husband had tried to do that, and now I couldn't even stand the idea of it. I just wanted to destroy something. Gods, I was so pissed off.

* * *

**I apologize for my excessive use of Japanese terminology. The words are explained below... Please review, I'd appreciate it.**

**~Minatu**

**/Edited once again, by the beautiful Shellbell-san.**

* * *

I kind of got into the yaoi (a.k.a. BL, a.k.a. japanese gay boys manga) genre in this chapter, which happens to be a thing _I_ enjoy quite a lot [coughs]. That's just me though...

_bara_ is usually used in reference to a muscular, the "dude's-dude" gay guy, pretty much...

_uke_ also known as the "bottom", this is in reference to their positions in sex

_seme_ the reverse of uke, which is the "top"

_shouta_ is pretty much a cute, young-looking boy (the romanji of this word has the o with a line over it, which is essentially the "ou" sound...)

* * *

Innocence and Instinct: I know, it's very frustrating... And thank you. I'm not feeling that much better, but I'm certainly trying to! I'm glad you enjoyed the update. I feel like we're traveling to some very dark places here with Maddie, and I'm afraid I might lose people as we go through this rough stage of her life...

MariMart: I missed her too! I had to get her back in there. Maddie needs her best friend.

Elle Ryder: I think you're just feeling Maddie's feelings too strongly. She is also very confused. :P


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey! (This has not been edited by Shellbell-san yet, but she's gone on vay-kay for a few days). Today was a really long day for me, and I've still got to shine my boots! Ahhhhhhhhh!**

**onwards.**

* * *

_Crossing sandy dunes  
__Hot day, mid-June  
__Naked kids, running wild, and free.  
__It's summer time fun, relax and stay young_

\- "Naked Kids" by Grouplove

* * *

Chapter 13

Jacob and Embry were spending a lot of time somewhere that Willow spoke little to absolutely nothing about, though I could tell that she was worried about it. Sometimes Willow would look at her hands as if it was the first time she had ever seen them. I frowned at that.

"Hey, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" I asked, touching her arm gently. Willow looked up at me, thinking over her decision.

"Yes," she sighed, "Embry told me not to tell you. I've been sworn to secrecy." I made a face at that, feeling a little bit left out.

"Since when did you start listening to that bullhonky…?" I pouted, and Willow took her chance to laugh at me. She patted me on the shoulder.

"It's because you've got enough to worry about. Embry doesn't want to worry you even more with this, okay?" Willow attempted to comfort me, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Worry me? Okay, so now I'm more worried," I responded, sliding my fingers through my hair and pushing my bangs back out of my face. Willow groaned, swaying side-to-side for a few seconds and covering her face with her hands.

"Can we not talk about this? I'm not allowed to tell you, so let's stop before I do," Willow said, and I dropped it but not because she asked me to. I stopped prodding her about it because I could feel the lines of reality shaking. There was literally no other way to describe it, other than that it was making me extremely woozy. I was putting forth my best effort to stay as still as I could, hoping the moment would pass. I felt like I could hear something, but that was it. I couldn't make out what it sounded like or what it was saying. I just knew something was trying to tell me something, and I was more than a little freaked out.

"Hey, Maddie. Earth to Maddie? Are you okay?" Willow was saying, waving at me, but it sounded distorted, like she wasn't actually right there next to me. I slowly turned toward her and tried a smile.

"Yeah," I sounded strange, "I'm fine." Willow didn't look like she believed me, but by then the world was coming back to me. I was already feeling a hell of a lot better.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked with a concerned expression. She touched a hand to my shoulder, leaning toward me to look directly into my face. I pressed a smile onto my face.

"I'm good," I responded, "Just feeling a bit of nausea. It'll pass." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. I felt a little guilty about it, but there was no way I was telling her what actually happened. I was not crazy. It seemed to be enough to reassure Willow because she didn't press me any further, which was a relief.

"You know what?" I spoke suddenly once I was feeling a little more like myself. Willow looked away from her laptop with a raised eyebrow.

"We should go to Seattle," I said with a smile, "Just you and me. Girls' day out." Willow smiled back.

"That sounds awesome, actually."

**.**

"Hi." I opened my eyes, subjecting them to the horrible sunshine's full frontal assault. I quickly shielded them with an arm, arching my back in order to look back at who had spoken. I smiled slightly.

"Hi, yourself," I said with mirth. Jacob moved to cast his shadow over my face. I was rather pleased by that. It meant I didn't have to move.

"So you've taken to sleeping outside in patches of sunshine now?" he asked. I looked at him with a chary expression.

"...yeah. What of it?" I squinted at him. Jacob laughed at this, sitting down next to me. His shadow never left my face. That was pretty observant of him…

"Just wondering if you're a cat," Jacob teased with a cheshire grin. I looked at him in reproach.

"You're not funny," I replied, "However, it would explain why we don't get along." I had to hide my smile behind my hand when I saw Jacob's face. He looked terribly worried all of a sudden.

"We don't get along?" he asked, and I hadn't expected him to be concerned with that. His expression, though, was pure sunshine and puppies. It made my heart hurt just a little.

"I don't think so. You did break my heart, in case you forgot," I pointed out, deciding to tease him just a bit more. Jacob's expression turned troubled, and he looked away from me then.

"Sorry…" he said in a soft voice, "But-" He straightened as if finally prepared to say something that I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear.

"It's okay. I know you're not interested," I cut him off with a bitter smile. Jacob furrowed his brows, and I assumed he was a little upset that I didn't allow him to explain himself. I sat up, patting his shoulder lightly because I didn't know what else would be considered "okay" to do.

"That wasn't-"

"Don't worry about it. It's over. Let's not talk about it," I cut him off again because he was far too stubborn. More so than I gave him credit for, at least. Jacob seemed frustrated, but didn't attempt to speak of it, and I was able to spend some time with him without it ending on a bad note. It was nice, though it was rather hard. I wasn't over him yet, and my heart felt confused when he did things like compliment me or give me a crooked smile.

**.**

"Okay!" I said with my hands on my hips, "Are you ready for this adventure?" I gave Willow a huge, ecstatic smile, and she finally grinned back. She let out a huge breath, trying to calm her nerves.

"Yeah," she made a small smile appear on her face, and I gave her a thumbs-up.

"Alright! Let's go to Seattle," I said, marching out of the house and to Willow's car. Willow trailed after me. Once we got in the car and on the interstate, Willow calmed down considerably, and we ended up singing along to one thousand and one songs. It was fun to hear Willow's voice get raspy with use, and it was probably because we were shouting the lyrics in tone-deaf voices instead of singing them. It was fun though. We laughed at each other, laughed because we were having fun, and laughed because we were laughing.

Once we were in Seattle, we parked the car and began our long day of window shopping. At one point, Willow dragged me into Sephora, where I discovered the ability to gawk at make-up prices. I never bought anything other than the affordable kind. We even found hilarious lip colors like "_yaoi_" (also known as Willow's new favorite lipstick) and "_nsfw_". We were shocked to find them there and had a million little giggle fits.

"I'm going to kiss Embry with _yaoi_ lips," Willow whispered to me as we stood in line to purchase the said lipstick. Willow looked terribly excited about this, and I couldn't stop laughing.

"Too bad it won't make him gay," I responded in between gasps for air. Willow covered her lips as a new smile spread across her face. Then with literally the smoothest expression ever, she said, "I don't know. I do like boys who _like_ boys."

"Oh my gods," I laughed, my shoulders shaking, "You're horrible." Willow merely winked in response.

We walked out of Sephora still grinning, and I was left with no desire to actually purchase anything from that store ever. Willow probably felt the same way with how expensive that tube of lipstick had cost.

"But, you know, I'm probably never going to tell him about this," Willow said, tucking the lipstick into her purse and tossing the bag into a trashcan. It was right about then that a guy walked up to us.

"Hey, you two are really pretty," he started, smiling with a lazy sort of confidence, "And my friend, uh, wanted to see if you two would maybe hang out with us later today…?" He looked kind of hopeful about it, and I frowned slightly.

"Uh, she has a boyfriend," I responded quickly, pointing toward Willow with my thumb, "And I'm not interested." The guy made a face.

"_Tch_," he clicked his tongue as if annoyed, "Are you sure? 'Cause you're kinda missi-"

"Very sure," I smiled irritably, and now he looked kind of pissed off. I took a step forward, making myself the closer target even though I was probably not much stronger than Willow. I just didn't want her to get hurt. Embry would probably be pretty upset too.

"_Man_, you don't have to be such a _bitch_ about it, geez," he said, and I felt my anger flare up. Then the guy stumbled sideways. I didn't even know what hit him, but I was glad that they did because my punch would have not been nearly as amazing.

"She said no, don't throw a fit about it," this kind of short guy said, and I don't actually mean short in a insulting way. I just meant that he was shorter than even Willow, but he was built like a tank. It was pretty incredible how intimidating he looked. The thin, whiny guy clutched his nose, which was now bleeding and turned tail with what little pride he had intact.

"Sorry about that," the guy said with a slight smile, "I didn't exactly fight for my country to hear guys like that." He seemed pretty nonchalant about it.

"You were in the _military_? What branch?" Willow gasped, and I could practically see the stars in her eyes. She was always super impressed by and thankful for those who went into the service. I think it was because her dad was in the Army.

"Marine Corps," he responded, "The name's Mason, by the way." He extended a hand, and Willow quickly took it.

"Wow! You must be really tough. That's amazing," Willow gushed. Mason looked rather embarrassed by that.

"Not really, no. I mean, I carried the shell box when we PTed, but I never really saw combat…" he said in a dismissive manner. Willow didn't seem bothered by that.

"Nice to meet you, Mason. I'm Maddie, and the overexcited puppy is Willow," I introduced because I was pretty sure Willow was to the moon and beyond.

"Likewise," he replied with a smile.

"So why did you decide to come to Washington of all places?" Willow asked, and I guess this was because she had lived in Washington all her life. She didn't have quite the same appreciation for the cool summers and beautiful winters.

"I always liked it, and I wanted to go to U-Dub," Mason responded with a shrug, "I got accepted, and the G.I. Bill covers most of the cost, and my med sep has the rest."

"U-Dub?" I furrowed my eyebrows at that. Mason laughed.

"So, _not_ college girls," he smiled, "University of Washington." I nodded in understanding, and Willow's interest was piqued.

"What are you studying?" she asked.

"A couple of psychology-related courses, although I don't really have a major right now. My classes are mostly scattered across the board. I've been taking whatever's interesting," he answered, walking along with us now. I had no idea when that started.

Mason and Willow did most of the talking though, and eventually Willow bravely asked a question that I thought to be a little inappropriate, "So are you gay?" Mason blinked a couple of times, looking rather, well, surprised. Then he laughed.

"Well, that was blunt. Most people are far more round-about about asking," he said with good humor, "And to answer your question, _yes_. I am flamingly gay." Willow looked terribly pleased with this.

"Ah! I knew it!" she cheered as if victorious.

"Well, it's not as if I'm hiding it," Mason smiled, tucking his hands in his pockets for a few seconds then removing them with a frown on his face. Willow ended up exchanging numbers with Mason after her initial "_wow, you're a superstar_" attitude had worn off. I suppose Mason was pretty used to that, though.

**.**

Everyone had gone on some mysterious camping trip, and Willow was dragging me along to Seattle to have some mysterious fun that apparently she had had planned with Mason for a little while, which was probably even more irritating. The two of them had clicked pretty well as friends, and I was really starting to see it with this mandatory fun that we were about to have while the werewolves were gone.

I discovered that the mandatory fun was invading Mason's apartment. Mason's apartment wasn't huge. It had two bedrooms, a small living space, a kitchen (directly connected to said living area) and one bathroom. He didn't have much in the ways of furniture either. His bedroom consisted of a mattress on the floor and a singular bookcase full of books. The living room had a couch and the TV was stacked on a couple of sagging boxes. The second bedroom had a desk and a couple of chairs in it. He obviously ate in there the most. He did, however, have a DVD player connected to his questionably settled television, and I was seriously hoping we were going to do some movie watching.

Willow thought we should keep him company since he'd just gone through a particularly bad break up; apparently Willow didn't want to leave him alone like that, so the three of us curled up on a couch, Mason sandwiched between us and while we watched Night at the Museum. Mason also ate the majority of the popcorn and talked about how the tiny cowboy guy and the roman guy were made for each other, and that every time they fought it ended in all out war between the two cultures.

I thought it was a pretty sound theory by the end of Mason's spiel, and Willow wasn't awake to back me up. She was probably pretty tired, seeing as she had been extremely worried about Embry all day. I was pretty sure he was going up against something, I just didn't know all the details.

I hoped for her sake that he would be okay.

"You know, I really liked Aaron," Mason started. I smiled slightly at him.

"He was perfect, you know? Soft hair, warm smiles, really liked sex…" Mason continued, "Sometimes, he even laughed at my jokes… when he understood them. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that I wore a brace or used a cane sometimes." Mason wiped at his eyes as he started to tear up again. I reached over to rub circles on his back.

"It's okay," I whispered, "Why did you guys break up?" Mason started crying when he heard my question. I didn't really know what to do. I just kept rubbing circles and waited for him to answer. Then with a sniff and a sigh, Mason stopped crying. It was pretty fast in my opinion.

"He was cheating," Mason said in a low tone, "I can't tolerate that sort of thing. I'm okay with people who don't want to commit to a singular person. _That's fine_ but don't promise me anything… that's what hurt. He told me he wanted us to be exclusive. It wasn't me who suggested it because I knew that he wasn't really into that sort of thing, but… but he _said_-" Mason shuddered and his shoulders raised as he tried to hold back his tears and take deep breaths at the same time.

"You know, I don't think the bullet that ruined my leg even hurt this much," Mason said after a long moment. I let a bitter smile spread across my face.

"I think it's the emotional pain that hurts more. Physical pain is easier because you can manage it, but when people get to your heart it stays with you," I replied in a soft voice. Mason looked at me.

"Amen," he nodded. I pulled my hand back, pulling my knees to my chest.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked. Mason smiled again.

"Of course," he answered amicably, "I made you sit through my whole spiel, didn't I?" I laughed at that and decided to tell him about my own situation, though I don't think it really compared.

"I've had this huge crush on this dude in Forks, uh, Jacob," I was already off to a bad start because I was a little nervous about it, "I have liked him for three years now, and I admitted my feelings to him the other day because I thought it would make me feel better. He likes my sister actually, but…" I took a deep breath, starting to find a rhythm.

"Since I confessed to him, things have changed. Not drastically, but sometimes it feels like he's intentionally trying to make me like him more because he'll be super considerate of me or try to. It makes me really mad though. I want him to be mean, so I can hate him… so it's easier for me to move forward. Instead, I keep feeling myself drawn back in, like," I stopped, rubbing the heel of my hand against my chest, "Like, he might actually like me too?"

"He could, you know," Mason pointed out, "Maybe your confession made him look at you, like really look."

"That's not possible. The way he looks at me doesn't even compare to the looks of longing he gives Bella, my sister, sometimes. It's one of those '_you stop me in my tracks_' looks. I wish he looked at me like that," I sighed with a frown, "He held my hand once. It was New Year's, and Bella wasn't there."

"Maybe he feels a different kind of love for you," Mason said.

"Like a sister?" I asked, "That's kind of gross, considering my feelings. Oh gods, now I feel terrible. I confessed to him! Can you imagine?" Mason was laughing at me, and I almost laughed too.

"That's not what I meant," he told me, still grinning.

"I know that _now_," I replied with a small smile, "It's just… I feel like I should move on, but… how… how do you move on?" Mason looked troubled by the question. He frowned, thinking about it for a minute.

"I don't know," Mason responded, "I don't think you do, though. It just becomes bearable until it no longer matters in the way that it used to. I don't think you ever really stop loving the people you once loved. They're always special to you, which makes it hard when you lose them." Mason's eyes flicked away from mine then, and I wondered if he had lost someone close to him.

"I wish it were easier than that," I pouted. Mason sighed, staring at the ceiling.

"Me too, hun," Mason concurred, and we fell into a comfortable silence. It was nice, being able to talk to someone about Jacob who didn't know him or had heard me talk about him before. Willow might have mentioned him once or twice to Mason because he had seemed familiar with the name, but… it was still… It was really what I had been needing. A real emotional dump. I was feeling a lot better than I had in a while.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review, if you're feeling kind.**

**~Minatu**

* * *

Just in case anyone was wondering what this lingo meant:

_nsfw_ \- not safe for work

_yaoi_ \- boyxboy

_PT_ \- physical training

_med sep_ \- medical seperation

_G.I. Bill_ \- a thing that exists for military members after they leave the service. It helps pay for their school and other things depending on whether they have the post-9/11 or not.

* * *

MariMart: Imprint going wonky? That's an interesting theory you have there. Also, the relentless teasing is definitely possible, and since, we don't really see all that with Maddie as the narrator, we could find out about it from Jacob later on in the story! (You'll just have to read and find out~)

Elle Ryder: Yeah, that can definitely slow you down. I'm glad you enjoyed the last update! :)))

Innocence and Instinct: Oh, that's troubling! I hope you can get into it soon. Aww, you're such a sweetie pie! Thank you! (uwu) It's good that someone wants to kick that boy, also, and I am totes not tired of hearing it!


	14. Chapter 14

**So, this whole chapter is in third person, and is a necessary plot chapter. Also, I apologize for the shortness. Totally not my intention.**

**Now, about my life: I am currently OK, I guess. I'm probably actually a giant mess. Oh well though.**

**onwards.**

* * *

"_Do you believe in heroes?  
__I'm afraid I do not myself.  
__If there were truly heroes,  
__I don't think you'd be lying dead before me now…  
__My apologies if that was disrespectful,  
__But we've never needed a hero more than now._"

\- Fenris:15, "The Tome of Heroes"  
(**note**: this is not a real book, or quote, _technically_.)

* * *

Chapter 14

Jacob stood with Bella in the cold winter air. Bella had a very serious expression on her face as if she was going to talk to Jacob about something important. Edward and Seth had gone into the forest to give them privacy, for which Bella was thankful. This was going to be a difficult conversation after all.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore, so… from now on…" Bella took a deep breath, gathering up all of her resolve, "I'm not going to see you anymore." Jacob seemed surprised. His shoulders tensed, and he frowned deeply.

"Why?" he asked in a soft voice, "It's my fault, isn't it?" He seemed so hurt by this, and Bella feared she had phrased her words wrong. She didn't want to hurt him anymore, but this… this was too much.

"No!" Bella said sharply.

"It's not…" she sighed, her shoulders dropping in resignation. She curled her arms around herself, contemplating what she was going to say next, "It's… I can't return your feelings. No matter how much I may want to… I love Edward, Jake." Jacob seemed unfazed by this.

"I think… I understand," he responded after a beat, scratching at the nape of his neck. Bella jolted, blinking back her surprise.

"You do?" she asked in disbelief. Her eyebrows were raised considerably high. She had, after all, expected this part to be the most difficult with Jacob, considering how stubborn he usually was. Jacob smiled slightly to himself.

"Yeah, I do," he confirmed. Bella furrowed her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest. She was thinking about what she was going to say next. Bella hadn't been prepared for the conversation to go this way. It was going rather well, considering.

"There's something different about you…" Bella said with a scrutinizing look. Her eyes widened considerably when it seemed to dawn on her. She could barely contain her excitement with the way she started to bat her hands, "You found her! Your imprint!" Jacob coughed in surprise. It was almost as if he had been punched in the stomach.

"Who is it? Do I know her? You have to at least tell me her name," Bella rattled off with more enthusiasm than Jacob himself could actually manage to muster.

"You do know her…" Jacob trailed off, thinking carefully about his next words, "I don't know what made her different… maybe it has to do with the scent change." Bella looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked carefully. She didn't look quite as thrilled as before. Bella seemed more intrigued now.

"Remember…" Jacob drew in a deep breath because his imprint was going to be rather out in the open now, "when your sister was attacked?" Bella's eyes widened.

"Maddie?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think that's when her scent changed… and it, uh, kind of made her apparent to me?" Jacob ran a hand through his hair. It was weird attempting to explain this. There wasn't really a way to explain it. Just that _now_ she was his imprint because she had changed to the person that his wolf recognized as his mate or something… It was more instinctual and lacked the requirement for explanation with his pack.

"So, if someone isn't, uh, the same as what they're supposed to be as an imprint then… you can't tell it's them?" Bella asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I think so," Jacob responded, "When we found her in the forest, she was all alone and screaming in her own blood. Sam thought that she had been bitten and was turning into a vampire. We could all smell it; the vampire that had been there…" Jacob appeared to be struggling with what happened next, and Bella remained quiet, trying to remain calm while she listened to what happened to her sister. It was hard, though. She couldn't believe that there had been a vampire there. Maddie was still human, after all.

"Sam thought we should kill her," Jacob said in a vexed tone. Bella gasped.

"WHAT! That's my sister!" she protested, rage coloring her voice. She looked as if she was seriously considering murdering Sam in that moment. Jacob smiled slightly, nodding his agreement.

"I don't remember it, but apparently I knocked Sam off of his feet before placing myself between Maddie and the pack. I think I could have gotten myself killed if Embry didn't also take my side…" Jacob continued, looking down at his feet, "You know pretty much what happened after that."

"You took her to the hospital and saved her life," Bella responded with a smile, "I can't believe Sam would have considered killing Maddie, though. It's insane." She patted Jacob gently on the shoulder with a reassuring smile on her face.

"Yeah..." Jacob trailed off, looking like he was still contemplating this fact. Bella frowned slightly at that.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm not sure that she's okay. I know that she was bitten by something," Jacob started up, "Maybe it was a vampire, maybe it wasn't." Bella looked perplexed.

"Being bitten by a vampire makes someone a vampire regardless of circumstance," she responded. Jacob shook his head.

"We don't actually know that for sure, though," he contradicted. Bella gave Jacob a look that said she thought he was acting crazy.

"What do you mean? It's never not happened, so that doesn't make any sense!" Bella said, flailing her arms. Jacob sighed.

"Well, all I know is that Maddie's different. She was bitten, and now she's not human anymore. Her heart's still beating though," Jacob replied in a frustrated tone. Bella pouted slightly, crossing her arms.

"What do you think this means?" she asked. Jacob shrugged slightly.

"I don't know yet…" he responded. Bella shook her head slightly.

"How are you so sure she isn't human?" she inquired. Jacob supposed she couldn't tell because she was a particularly unaware human. Even Willow shied away a little at the sight of a vampire. She didn't even know what they were, but she could tell they weren't normal. He wondered if Willow had noticed the changes in Maddie before him. That would mean that Embry and Willow had been aware and decided not to notify the pack. He wondered why the two of them would endanger themselves for Maddie like that.

"If you could smell like I can, you'd know too. I bet your vampire knows as well," Jacob answered in a slightly irritated tone, "Besides, I'm just worried about her. She's losing weight, you know." Bella frowned.

**.**

Bella grabbed Alice and pulled her away from the rest of the vampires, "Is there somewhere I could speak to you in private?" Alice smiled, nodding. She started to lead Bella upstairs.

"Of course," she told Bella. Bella smiled back at Alice. Once they were behind closed doors, Bella let out a loud sigh. Alice had brought Bella to a particularly sparse bedroom. The bed wore a plain gray sheet and there were two ottomans at the end of it where Alice placed herself and motioned for Bella to sit beside her. Bella did.

"You know, I won't be able to keep this from Edward," Alice pointed out. Bella smiled slightly, fingering the silken cover of the ottoman.

"I'm going to need you to try your best. It's probably not important anyway," she responded dismissively. Alice seemed surprised. _Not important? But still a secret. _Alice leaned back onto her hands, which were placed on the wooden edge of the bed frame.

"What's going on?" Alice asked. Bella sighed softly, fidgeting with her jacket sleeve. She seemed rather nervous about whatever she was going to reveal to Alice. This concerned Alice, seeing as she wasn't all that sure that she would like dealing with it. It was for Bella, though… Edward would encourage Alice to help her.

"I want you to look at my sister's future… and maybe try to figure out what she is," Bella confessed. Alice seemed confused. That really hadn't been what she had been expecting. She didn't know what to make of this request. It didn't follow much logical sense from her point of view. Perhaps Bella had some other explanation for it.

"What she is? Isn't she just a human, like you?" Alice inquired, furrowing her eyebrows. Bella frowned slightly. She probably wasn't sure how she felt about it either. It must have come from an outside source, then. Someone else put these questions in Bella's head even though she had enough things to worry about.

"Jacob doesn't think so…" Bella responded in a thoughtful tone, "I think he's scared." Alice frowned slightly. She sighed suddenly, thinking about what Bella had asked her to do. Alice didn't think it was going to be a big deal… however, this information had come from a werewolf… despite her qualms with their kind, Alice knew they usually had some idea of what they were talking about.

"I'll see what I can do," Alice said, closing her eyes and focusing. Bella watched Alice with anticipation. She didn't really know what to do now that she was waiting on Alice to open her eyes and give her answers. Bella was hoping that Jacob was concerned for no reason at all. It would be easier that way. It also didn't make sense that her sister wasn't human. Maddie wasn't acting strange… she had a smaller appetite, but was just as snarky as before. It didn't make any sense!

"I… I see her," Alice spoke suddenly in a soft voice. Bella jumped in surprise, a look of rapt interest spread across her face. It sounded like it was going okay. That probably meant Maddie was just a normal, old human. That was a relief… Alice jumped suddenly, "...she can _see _me. How can she see me?" Alice was shaking now, and Bella didn't know what to do. She felt panic rise up from her stomach.

"Alice?" Bella yelped, starting to get worried, "Alice!" Bella ran to the door when Alice started screaming and convulsing. Bella didn't know that anything could frighten a vampire. What was going on? Bella wanted to cry...

"Help!" Bella yelled, feeling tears form in her eyes when Alice fell silence and fell to the floor with a loud "_thump_". Her eyes were wide open, and staring straight forward. Alice didn't even blink… Edward was there within seconds, pulling Bella into his arms. Jasper was right behind him.

"Alice?" Jasper spoke in a soft voice, moving toward her and lifting her head off of the floor. Carlisle was in the room by then, moving toward Alice quickly. Bella felt entirely useless, and tucked her face against Edward's cool visage for comfort.

"What happened?" Edward asked Bella, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes. Bella opened her mouth, then proceeded to shut it, not entirely sure what she was supposed to say. After all, Maddie was her sister, just a simple human… This couldn't have been caused by her. _No_, it was impossible.

Bella tucked all the information about her sister safely away into her heart. She didn't know what happened. Alice just got a vision. Something bad. She didn't know anything else. Bella was going to keep the truth a secret… she didn't know what she was going to do if they tried to kill her sister like Sam had suggested. Bella simply could not allow it. She tried to hide herself back into Edward's arm as a sob wracked her body.

"I… I don't know." Edward pulled Bella closer.

* * *

_The night is dark and full of terrors._

\- Melisandre, "Game of Thrones"

* * *

**I wanted to give Edward a more loving relationship, where Edward listened to her more... I tried to convey that with the end-y bit, but I'm not sure if I did too well with that.**

**Please review with your opinions.**

**~Minatu**

* * *

MariMart: Haha! Yeah, I'm sure they do tease him. Also, I'm really glad you like Mason! He's very near and dear to my heart. :3

ObsessedwReading: Wow! I'm surprised you already love him that much... that was his debut chapter. I haven't heard from you in a while either, I'm glad you're back! :)

Nessie2000: Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed this. I promise you'll find all of that out in the next chapter.

Innocence and Instinct: I'm glad you do~


	15. Chapter 15

**Oh man. This chapter. Shellbell-san super approves.**

**Onwards.**

* * *

"But back then, in those first days, I was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart."

\- Junot Díaz, _This is How You Lose Her_

* * *

Chapter 15

_There was pain everywhere. It was in my hands, my feet, my eyes, my teeth. It traveled through my skin and seeped into my bones, even touching and curling against my organs, pulsing slowly through me and toward my center._

_I wanted to scream, to toss and turn, but my body wouldn't listen to me. Not a single muscle twitched. _

_The pain was like a fire in me, merciless and all-consuming. Terror clawed at me as I attempted to gasp for air. My lungs begged for it, but I couldn't open my lips to even breathe. Voices curled through the air, reaching toward my mind. Their sounds only came through like static on a television when it couldn't connect to particular channel._

"The bite never took," _said a voice. I had finally connected with one. My vision blurred with the next wave of pain and nausea. I felt confused._

"She's not quite-" _the voice faded suddenly into static as I wondered what it was going to say, "_Not quite human either… I wonder…" _The pain flashed back through me like a whip. I gasped quietly, finding my voice._

_I began to scream then, and somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I could hear a bird squawking something that sounded like "_Nevermore"_. _

**.**

Willow was on the phone when I woke up the following morning. I had a headache and didn't feel like enticing it to hurt more, and therefore refused to move. Willow was talking in hushed tones, which was actually unusual. I supposed it was because Mason was probably asleep. Though I could smell food, so maybe he wasn't?

I rolled slightly on my side. I could feel the edge of the pillow then, and I discovered how uncomfortable I felt, pressed against the carpeted floor. I wasn't liking the idea of remaining still for much longer, but I kept my eyes shut and tried to focus on what Willow was saying.

"I don't know… I think I should tell her," Willow said. I sat up then not sure if I wanted to listen in on that conversation or not.

"Oh, good morning, Maddie," Willow said with a smile. I smiled back at her slightly, cringing at the sharp pain that followed. Willow frowned but didn't say anything.

"Who are you talking to?" I croaked, and Willow held up a finger.

"You know I can't," she said in response to whatever the other person was saying (I was assuming it was Embry), "Okay. Love you, bye." She tapped the red "end call" button on her phone then turned to me.

"Embry, who else?" she told me. I smiled slightly.

"How did the... _thing_ go?" I asked. Willow frowned slightly, sighing.

"It went pretty well considering, but not without injuries," Willow informed me carefully. My eyebrows shot up, and I felt myself tense up.

"Who got hurt?" I questioned her in a nervous tone. Willow covered her face with a single hand, unable to meet my eyes.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," she responded in a quiet voice. I frowned.

"And?" I pressed, leaning forward to look at Willow's face. She looked like she was thinking pretty seriously about answering my question. I leaned back and sighed, "It was Jacob, wasn't it?" Willow flinched, looking at me with her eyes stretched wide. Her whole expression said "_How did you know?_". She didn't even try to hide the fact that I had hit the nail on the head, and it was a little frustrating. If she wasn't supposed to tell me, then why would she allow her expressions to just give information away like that?

"How bad?" I questioned seriously. Willow frowned slightly, shrugging, and I realized that she wasn't going to give me a single bit of verbal information about this. So that was what she was doing… If she didn't want to tell me, then why wouldn't she just _lie_? I stood quickly, giving her a dark expression.

"Don't just tell me something, and not commit fully to the consequences of that decision!" I snapped at her, feeling anger run through me like the snap of a whip. Willow frowned, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Maddie…" she started, and I glared at her. Willow shrunk slightly under my gaze, but I didn't soften it, "I'm not going to break my promise, even if I have to follow it under the literal meaning of each word. I can't…" I crossed my arms over my chest, staring at her in a disappointed way.

"So, how much _have_ you kept from me then?" I asked. Willow looked sad and refused to answer that question. I felt a cold wave wash through me. What the hell was _that_? I threw a pillow at Willow since it was the first thing I grabbed and stormed out of the room.

"I don't want to talk to you right now!" I snarled, entering the main room where Mason was. He looked really confused and worried, and I was still feeling riled up and crazy. I probably wouldn't be able to explain why was being so touchy about everything in that moment. I couldn't just tell him about werewolves and secrets, even though I wished so desperately that I could.

"Are you okay?" Mason asked carefully. I looked away from him and to my hands with a frown on my face. I sighed, letting all of my anger escape with the air. Maybe I was just being an overly emotional teenager. I wasn't sure. It was the only explanation that made sense. I balled my hands into fists and relaxed them slowly.

"I really don't know anymore," I responded softly. Mason looked between me and Willow, like he was hoping someone could offer some sort of clarification. I didn't have anything for him though. All I really wanted was to go see Jacob, although I wasn't sure he wanted to see me, since Embry had tried to keep Willow from providing me with this knowledge. Willow looked like she was feeling deeply conflicted and was probably drawing into herself more than usual. I felt kind of bad for alienating her.

"I just said something that upset Maddie," Willow spoke carefully. I looked at her with a frown, wondering why she phrased it that way. _Upset_, it was a more gentle version than what I had actually expressed. I had been angry, possibly to the degree of rage, and I felt bad that I didn't have as much control over my emotions as I should have. I glanced toward Willow, feeling ashamed, and she gave me a small smile.

"Anyways, I think we ought to head on home," Willow continued. Mason nodded, probably not really knowing what to do. He sent us back with some waffles though, he mentioned that they had them on Sundays sometimes back when he was a marine. He seemed to think about his time as a marine a lot, and I wondered if he missed it.

The car ride back to Forks was long, and very, _very _silent for a solid hour. I watched the time click by anxiously, not sure if I would prefer jumping out the door into traffic or waiting it out. Though, Willow might possibly also lose the passenger side door in the process, and I'd probably feel bad about it, so I was less likely to jump out the car door with that thought in my mind. So I was sitting, and waiting for us to get back or for Willow to say something.

"I'm taking you to La Push," Willow spoke suddenly, not moving in the slightest to look over at me like she usually would, "I think you should see Jacob." I looked over at her, a confused feeling stirring up in me. She sighed softly, a bitter smile spreading across her face.

"You know, if it makes you feel better, I didn't want to keep this from you. It isn't fair to you, especially…" Willow swallowed, backtracking a little bit. I thought she had been about to tell me something she said she wouldn't in that moment, "Especially since you're probably going to be taking yourself there anyway." I stared at Willow with a thoughtful expression. I wondered what she had been about to say then.

"I wasn't sure if I was actually going to…" I whispered softly. Willow looked at me then, a look of surprised coloring her face, and I blushed slightly. I hadn't actually intended for her to hear, but I said it because I wanted it to at least be out in the open air. I just hadn't said it quietly enough.

"What? _Why_?" she questioned me, eyes back on the road. I shrugged slightly.

"I didn't think he actually wanted to see me," I responded in a soft voice, adjusting uncomfortably in the black, faux leather seat. Willow sighed softly.

"That's not-"

"How else was I supposed to interpret it? You were told explicitly _not _to tell me," I cut her off quickly because I really didn't want to hear some shoddy explanation at that particular moment. Willow was frowning, and I knew she didn't like it when I interrupted her. I usually did it more unintentionally though.

"I know, but that wasn't actually said by Jacob," Willow informed me, "I think it's something Embry just decided on his own, and I didn't agree with it. Honestly, he's not good at these things. He's just trying to protect you, and in tandem, myself." I smiled slightly at Willow. I was glad that we had entered the territory where she _could_ actually explain what was going on, although she was still treading pretty carefully with her words, never saying anything specific.

"It wasn't?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows, "And why would Embry be worried about me? I've been fine for a little while now. I don't feel sad, honestly." I didn't say that I felt mostly nothing because that really wouldn't help my case. I saw Willow's lips twitch downwards.

"I know," she said in a soft voice that told me that she didn't quite believe that what I was saying was a good thing. I didn't want to talk about it though.

"But does Jacob even want to see me?" I wondered aloud, and Willow laughed.

"You're his friend, of course he does!" she responded, sounding like I had said literally the silliest thing I possibly could. I blushed, feeling a little embarrassed by that.

"What…?" I croaked with a pout forming on my face. Willow giggled.

"It's funny how you don't always notice how people enjoy you for more than just your sarcasm," she pointed out, but I wasn't sure that was actually why she had laughed.

"What? But I _am_ sarcasm!" I gasped, deciding to let it go. Maybe she would explain later, maybe she wouldn't. I wasn't going to push her anymore that day though. I guess I was going to have to figure out how to exist outside of the loop. I wasn't really excited about that prospect though, since my two closest friends were in said loop and keeping me out of it.

Willow laughed at me, and we fell into a comfortable chatter the rest of the way back to Forks, though I wasn't exactly pleased with how things had gone. There was still a lot of things that Willow was keeping from me that I wished she wouldn't. I sometimes wished we could go back to it just being the two of us goofy girls talking about Star Trek and our biggest worries were tests and science fair.

**.**

Willow pulled up in front of Jacob's house, and we piled out. I marched straight up to the front door and knocked gently. I wasn't sure I was ready for this. My heart was already beginning to speed up, and my palms were getting pretty clammy. I was starting to feel like "_oh no_" described my whole life. It seemed kind of silly to be so nervous though.

Willow stepped up beside me, setting a hand on my shoulder, "It's okay." She gave me an encouraging smile, and the door opened to reveal Billy.

"Maddie! I haven't seen you in ages," he greeted me cheerfully then looked over at Willow with the same, gentle smile, "Embry isn't with you today, Willow?" I was surprised that Willow and Billy knew each other.

"No, it's just me and Maddie. We just got back from a girl's night out," Willow responded amicably. Billy nodded slightly, wheeling backward and out of the door jamb.

"I guess you're here to see Jacob then," he said in a gruff voice, "Although, I have to say, he's doing just fine." Billy motioned toward the closed door that led to Jacob's room. Willow looked at me and smiled.

"You go check on him," she said softly, "I'll stay here." She shooed me toward the door, and I was feeling nervous again. I lifted a hand to the door, but dropped my hand back to my side. I raised it again with some resolve and knocked quickly. It wasn't a loud one, but I still heard someone stir on the other side of the door because of it.

"Come in," I heard Jacob call, and I pushed the door open slowly, my heart beginning to beat even faster. I was really nervous. I froze when I found him shirtless with several bloody bandages on his side. I gasped quietly, covering my mouth with a single hand. I felt like crying.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I asked, moving toward him quickly and completely forgetting my prior nervousness. Jacob looked at me in surprise, his eyes widening slightly.

"Maddie?" he started, straightening slightly. I faltered when I came close to the edge of his bed and took a single step backward, pulling my outstretched hand back and settling it on my bicep instead. Jacob's eyes were searching my face for something.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, still worried about him, but I wasn't sure exactly sure how I could express that without seeming like I was completely in love with him still, because I wasn't supposed to be. Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe… maybe I was supposed to just act as naturally as possible. Maybe acting like I wanted would portray the something entirely different. I didn't know what to do. Not at all. There wasn't exactly a manual for these sorts of things.

"I'm…" Jacob started in a strangled tone, "I'm fine." He looked like there was something else on his mind. I frowned slightly, opened my mouth then shut again. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say… I looked everywhere else but at Jacob, clutching the hem of my sweater and rubbing the fabric between my fingers. My eyes fell back on his bandages.

"Do… do you need help changing them? They look like they need to be changed at least," I waved one of my hands about in a jerky manner as I spoke, "I mean, you don't have to let me… I just… wanted to help cause you don't exactly look _fine_." I felt my voice tremble slightly. I was nervous and worried and feeling entirely overwhelmed. I slowly looked up into Jacob's eyes, and he was just… _staring_ at me. I felt a shock jolt through me, and I straightened up under the gaze.

"Y-yeah, I guess you can," Jacob said suddenly. His cheeks were dusted dark with a blush, and he wasn't exactly meeting my gaze. I felt my own face heat up at that. I hadn't really expected him to agree with me, and I had just realized exactly what all of it entailed (being close to him and touching him…). I wasn't exactly sure that I could actually handle all of that.

"O-o-okay!" I squeaked and hurried out to get more bandages, and I supposed it was my chance to see just how bad these injuries were to begin with. I walked into the living room with a terrified expression on my face, and Billy just placed the first aid kit in my hands without a word. He seemed rather amused, actually. I wasn't sure why, though. I returned, holding the kit close to me, and I felt unsure of how I was supposed to proceed. Jacob waved me over.

"Help me get them off," he told me with a serious expression. I nodded quickly, walking over to the left side of his bed to help him with the bandages. The _bites_ on his side looked nasty, and I almost wanted to throw up at the sight of the bloody, stitched cuts.

"What happened?" I asked, tipping the bottle of iodine onto a cloth before attempting to lightly dab at the cuts.

"I was fighting newborn vampires," Jacob responded. My eyes widened slightly.

"Vampires? Newborn?" I said warily, "They're real?" Jacob sighed.

"Yeah. I thought you already knew that," he answered, wincing slightly as I moved onto the next cut. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"How do you figure?" I asked, glancing up at him. He was watching me pretty seriously… It was embarrassing. I felt myself blush again, and I went back to concentrating on cleaning and replacing the bandages.

"The Cullens… they're vampires," Jacob informed me. I stopped moving completely as dread formed in the pit of my stomach. No… Bella couldn't be… she _wasn't_… I looked back up at Jacob in horror.

"We can't just let her marry a vampire!" I cried, feeling tears burn the edges of my eyes. Jacob looked a bit surprised by my sudden outburst. I frowned, biting my lower lip and taking in a deep breath in attempt to keep myself from crying, "They'll kill her!" My voice sounded shaky. Jacob's right hand cupped my cheek.

"The Cullens…" he swallowed and didn't really look like he enjoyed saying this, "They aren't _that_ bad. They don't kill humans, at least." I frowned, looking at him in confusion.

"How is that possible?" I inquired, "I thought they were supposed to be evil." I was feeling a little confused by the fact that Jacob was even defending them. He was supposed to be in love with Bella, wasn't he?

"I don't know…" he said, looking away and drawing his hand back. I sighed, returning to his wounds again. Maybe they weren't so bad… that didn't mean I had to like it, though, or trust them. I finished covering the last cut under a bandage and stepped back away from Jacob with a satisfied expression.

"There! All done," I smiled at him, and Jacob's lips twitched upward. He seemed to be trying not to smile back. I wondered what was troubling him so much. I wasn't sure if I should ask, though. It was probably something he wasn't ready to share with me since he was holding back anyway. I let out a sigh, "So… I've checked up on you-"

"I like you," Jacob interrupted me, and I froze, dead in my tracks. My brain turned into a whirlwind of thoughts before I turned around and stiffly patted him on the shoulder.

"I like you too, buddy," I said with a forced, robotic smile. Jacob frowned at me and grabbed my arm when I started to pull away.

"No," he spoke firmly, "That's not what I meant." Jacob sounded really serious, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to feel these feelings yet. My whole heart was a wreck already. Jacob pulled me forward, sliding his other hand into my hair. His warm breath pooling around my face, "I meant like this." I felt my whole face heat up.

"Oh," I breathed. My heart was beating really fast, and I wanted him to kiss me. Jacob wasn't moving, and I wasn't sure what to do… maybe he was waiting for me to respond in a more "yay" sort of way? I stared into his eyes for a moment, and they looked imploring. I closed my eyes then and pushed forward. My teeth knocked against his, and I felt Jacob laugh. He pulled back slightly, and I felt really embarrassed.

"S-sorry," I whispered, "That was bad, wasn't it?"

"No," Jacob responded softly, "It could have been better, though." I frowned slightly, trying to hold back the grin when Jacob pressed his lips to mine in a gentler kiss. My heart swelled slightly, and I wanted the moment to never end. I had to pull away to breathe in the end. Jacob was smiling at me though, and he was literally the cutest thing ever.

"I like you too," I told him in a tiny voice. It was embarrassing, maybe even more so since it was mutual. Jacob grinned.

"Awesome," he said, and what a _dork_.

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**So, uh, that happened sooner than expected.**

**Please review?**

**~Minatu**

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Elle Ryder: I'm glad! I hope you enjoyed this one as well. ^.^

MariMart: Was this exciting enough to match the previous chapter?

Innocence and Instinct: I'm sure we'll find that out in due time. It's good to see you got back into your account!

jalohalo123: Well, I think you'll just have to wait and see! I'm really glad to hear that you like my story~ I really appreciate your support.

ObsessedwReading: That's okay! You just read it whenever you can. I don't mind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello! So, I'm still alive. **

**onwards.**

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Chapter 16

Honestly, I thought the moment that Jacob confessed that he liked me and the feeling was all mutual and everything, I kinda came to the conclusion that from that point on, everything would be all sunshine and rainbows. This was not the correct assumption. Nothing was really fixed, there was just this sappy feeling there that made some things a little more difficult to skirt around, like when Jacob caught me staring and made one of those devilish grins I wasn't even aware he was capable of making. Then, _of course_, I was mortified and not making eye-contact at all. I didn't even want to talk about _those_ moments.

The first indicator that everything wasn't apple pie was actually our first date, which I have to say was a total disaster. Far more so than I had really expected it to be, seeing as it started off fairly well. Almost text book. Well, besides it suddenly starting to rain the moment we arrived at the little family restaurant in Forks, that Jacob claimed had the best cobbler in existence, and I wasn't exactly able to believe him because no one made pie like my gran, who grew up on a wee farm in the middle of nowhere Texas. She literally said once that butter was the most important part of cooking. I remembered a lot of my summers being spent with her, and hearing all the crazy stories she had about her childhood. It seemed wild. And _now I've gone on a completely unimportant tangent._

Anyways, I was having the hardest time focusing on the moment, and I thought it had something to do with the headache that was lingering in the circumference of my brain. Also the way the world seemed to have inklings of black along the edges, and the occasional man in a striped sweater that wasn't really there, at least not upon second glance. I knew I wasn't exactly at optimal health, but I _really _wanted to go on this date with Jacob. I wanted to have this one thing that I was finally able to, and it was frustrating beyond words that I couldn't even remember the name of the place we ate at. Movies always emphasized the importance of the first date, even if it was headed toward disaster.

"Maddie, are you okay?" Jacob asked suddenly, catching my eyes as I pushed my food around on my plate and debating whether or not to eat more even though I was starting to feel sick. I could barely hold the eye contact in that moment. I felt far too on edge, like someone was looking at _me_ and not in a good way.

"Yeah," I answered, but I sounded sullen. I knew Jacob heard the unintended tone to my voice, and he looked really concerned then.

"Hey," Jacob started softly, reaching across the table to take my free hand in his giant one, "If you aren't feeling up to it, then we can just stop here and reschedule. It's not a big deal." I looked at Jacob with watery eyes because now I felt _terrible_. I was ruining everything in one fell swoop, and all because I didn't feel fantastic, which was starting to be my permanent state of being because I hadn't really felt _okay _since the incident that I really didn't want to mention or talk about or believe even happened.

Jacob had that concerned puppy expression, and I looked away, trying my damndest not to cry, but I was probably going to. I hated crying in public even more than I hated crying in general. It was just so deplorable. I hated how I was right now, and I didn't want Jacob to see me this way, so out of control, so _broken_. He didn't need to see this. I just had to figure out how to put all the pieces back where they belonged so it was possible to pretend again.

"Could we get the check please?" I could hear Jacob saying in a distant place. All I could see was the curious face of an intruder. I stared back, hoping she would go away. She gave me the creeps, just like Eduardo did. Maybe she was a vampire, like the Cullens. I didn't know because she looked frightened when she realized I saw her and promptly disappeared. Maybe my will for her to go away was realized. Jacob was standing now, and I followed suit, hoping I didn't miss anything he said and made a total douchebag of myself.

"Sorry," I whispered to him, feeling pretty sure I ruined the whole evening, which had not been my intention, but I had done it.

"It's fine," Jacob responded, holding my hand gently in his, "I just hope you'll talk to someone about what's going on eventually." I looked up at him in surprise, because that was strangely passive aggressive for him. He usually tossed the passive part of that out of the window.

"I…" I furrowed my eyebrows, considering my words carefully. Jacob was looking at me with a hopeful, yet expectant, expression. I smiled nervously at him, feeling my shoulders rising up around me in a turtle reaction to his expectations, "I would sound crazy. I feel like you might institutionalize me, and I don't think that would help in any way whatsoever." I didn't want to talk about how the seams of the world seemed to wobble and shift every which away throughout the day, eventually causing my mind to feel like it was splitting right in half.

"You're not crazy," Jacob chuckled. Then with a half-serious expression, he added, "At least, I don't think you are." I looked at him with the most appalled expression I could muster.

"Hey! That's rude!" I retaliated with a swift _smack_ to his arm. Jacob started laughing, and I felt a little more troubled. I didn't like that he made a joke about something that I was seriously worried about. Was I losing my mind? How would I even _know_? I looked at Jacob with a half-terrified expression, and the concern was back on his face.

"Woah, did I say something wrong?" he asked, suddenly pulling me to face him near his truck. I stared u[ into Jacob's face and thought about my options in that moment. I could tell him everything, which may or may not be the proper route anyway, or I could tell him vague details. I could also go with the worst possible, but also safest route, and lie about it or avoid the subject entirely. I swallowed tightly.

"Uh, sort of…" I answered, avoiding his big chocolate brown labrador eyes. He was killing me with those looks of his. He had a whole arsenal of slightly different, but just as effective ones in that face of his. Jacob's thumbs rubbed gently against the sides of my hands, which calmed me down a bit. At least I hadn't started hyperventilating or anything…

"I'm sorry," Jacob apologized earnestly, and I looked at him in surprise, and sadness. He shouldn't have to apologize… It wasn't like he had really done anything wrong. How was he supposed to know about these things anyway? I hadn't told him just how seriously I felt about each and everything. He didn't have to feel bad about trying to lighten my mood. I felt like the worst girlfriend ever. I wanted to cry all over again.

"Jake… You don't have to apologize," I told him softly. Jacob shook his head.

"Yes, I do," he responded stubbornly, and that made me smile just a little bit. I quickly moved to hug him, which I believed surprised him, seeing as he barely even began to return it before I pulled away.

"You are too kind to me," I informed him, thinking about the fact that I had completely circumvented telling Jacob a thing about what was going on with me, when I really needed to do that if we were going to have a good, healthy relationship, but I wasn't ready to tell anyone about it, so what was I supposed to do?

Jacob took me home without prodding me about it more, and I had managed to get a small grasp on what reality was for the time being. Jacob looked really troubled on the drive back, and I don't think he realized that I had been looking at his face. I felt bad. I had to pull myself together. I had to if I was going to be a part of the world in any way. I turned toward the window, trying my best to have tunnel vision, because it was in my peripheral vision where the odd things happened. I squeezed my eyes shut, and turned back to Jacob.

When my eyes came to his face, all I could see was a wolf suddenly, and it shocked me so much that I jumped in my seat. Jacob barely glanced at me. His face was coming back out, and I wondered why that had happened…

"You alright?" he asked. He side-eyed me again, careful to not take his eyes off the road, and I nodded slightly.

"Y-yeah," I replied, pressing my palm to the center of my chest and trying to hold the panic in. I had thought I had finally gotten a grasp over my mind's tendency to focus solely on the supernatural bit of Jacob. I hadn't seen him "full-wolf" when he was actually a human in at least a week. It was yet another thing I was pretending wasn't happening.

Jacob parked in front of my house and looked at me seriously, "I can't help but believe you aren't going to be okay at the rate you're going." I looked at him in surprise.

"Huh?" was all I managed to get out with my mind reeling. Jacob sighed running a hand through the hair on top of his head. He sighed softly.

"Mads, I want to believe you, but it doesn't really look like you're handling it," Jacob confessed quietly, looking at me from between the fingers that were covering what I was assuming was a fairly haggard expression. I frowned slightly, clutching at the soft fabric of my cardigan's sleeves for an anchor.

"I'll be okay," I told him unconvincingly. I couldn't even believe myself when I said it. Jacob scoffed quietly. He reached over fingers pressing into my hair when he cupped my face.

"You don't know how much I wish that were true," he said with the tiniest of smiles on his face, "But sometimes you _need_ to talk to other people to work through stuff, and I understand that, at least, I'm trying to. And it's _okay _if you're not ready to talk about it… just _say_ so. I don't claim to know everything that goes on in that mind of yours, after all." I grinned at Jacob. He made me feel a little better. I blinked, and the whole world shivered again, but I still kept my smile despite it. At least I knew I was safe with Jacob.

"Thank you," I whispered, "and… you're right." Jacob smiled at that. I hopped out of the truck then, and he followed me up to the front door, giving me a kiss on the forehead before heading home. I opened the door and went inside. Charlie was sitting in the living room, and h /e looked up when I came in.

"Was that Jacob?" he called curiously. I smiled slightly.

"Yeah, he just brought me back," I answered, walking over to the couch. Charlie glanced at his watch with a curious expression.

"It's a little early…" he mused. I stared at Charlie in disbelief.

"Is that really such a bad thing?" I inquired in a flat tone. Charlie laughed at that, ruffling my hair a little like the horrible parent he was. I left him to watch his game then… at least, from the sound of it it sounded like a game. When I actually looked at the TV, all I saw was static. I needed to lie down. I trudged up the stairs to take a shower then go to sleep. A sound plan, a good one as long as everything went according to plan, which it rarely did. But at least I tried.

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**It was rather difficult to write this with Dean (one of my kittens) walking all over my keyboard... **

**~ Minatu**

* * *

MariMart: Well, I never read the Host, but I kinda get what you're talking about. Why make new junk up when you can just use the folklore that's already nice and available and just toss your ol' flare on it.

Elle Ryder: Man, are you excitable. I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and I feel like this chapter will probably cause some more confusion, but uh, hey, i'm trying. Maddie's just confused, so it's hard to not be confusing.

Superduperfics: He'll tell her when he thinks she's ready. And I suppose you'll just have to read and find out if she's gonna be a shapeshifter. ;D

Innocence and Instinct: Well, here's your pipin' hot platter of drama.

RosaSilvermist: Why, thank you! I'm glad you like it so far. There's a lot more to come.

Iris RainbowWolf: Indeed.

ObsessedwReading: :) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

IzzyTheNinja: Sorry, I am notorious for disappearing for months at a time. It's kind of my trademark. B) I'm glad to hear you like it though. Explanations will come. You just gotta have patience.

Guest: This is what happens when the writer has a hectic schedule that refuses to settle down. I'm just as frustrated, let me tell you.

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**I wish I could say that I am going to start updating consistently, but as it happens, I have no idea what my schedule even looks like for the next few months. I've been moving around departments and I think where I'm at now is finally gonna be permanent, but now I've got to figure out what _exactly_ they're going to have me doing... : /**


	17. Letter

**Hello there! With this chapter, we've got an interesting letter of possible importance.**

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To: Eleanor Price, Secretary of Magical Accordances, Washington D.C.

From: Unknown

Subject: THE CHANGES OBSERVED IN SUBJECT 329-B

Ref: (a) Report 1956  
(b) Report 2000  
(c) Report 2008

1\. As observed in reference (a), the subject was in a life-threatening accident involving vampires, which presented a threat to the subject's projected maturity. In reference (b), the subject's progression is detailed to have accelerated at an alarming rate.

2\. Due to this concern, it is requested that the subject be brought in for more careful observation in order to possibly address the subject's condition in a more hands-on manner. As subject's direct handler, I request that this occur sooner as opposed to later, as I cannot get enough hands-on time myself and maintain my cover.

3\. Also noted in reference (c), the subject appears to be experiencing a regression into herself. I believe that the progression in her growth has caused too much of the subject's innate abilities to take hold and could quite possibly ruin the subject entirely.

M.X. Crow

Copy to:

Academy of Magical Beasts  
Counsel of Wizardry  
PRMBI

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**Man, some times I really dislike how ff takes some of the stuff, because this letter has such nice format in the original doc, which is mostly for optimal presentation and read-ability.**

**~Minatu**

**P.S.**

**PRMBI stands for "_Preservation of Rare Magical Beings Incorporated_".**

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Layla347: I'm glad you liked the update.


	18. Chapter 17

**And now, for the next installment of this lovely series. More high jinks ensue.**

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"In the bright light of morning, map the last leg of the trip  
I call on you to catch me as I'm coming over that bridge  
Through the mind-fog of the beach and the cracking concrete"

\- _Grey Weather_ by Gregory and the Hawk

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Chapter 17

Dim light pooled from between the curtains and into my room. I could hear the quiet patter of rain outside as I mulled over the dream I had just had. I could only remember the barest of threads of it, and even that I was grasping to hold onto. It had been such a peaceful dream. It had been such a long time since I had one of those dreams before. The kind that slipped between your fingers like a lullaby, _forgotten_.

I closed my eyes, trying to stay there in the safe hold of my dream, and by that point it was basically gone, which was more disappointing than anything in that moment. I didn't want to get up and face the world. I would much more prefer to run from my problems and reality to become a lumpy space princess. It seemed impossibly easier, and far more attainable than what I currently faced, which was attempting to keep my sanity together and my loved ones. I had a feeling that at the rate I was going though, I was headed quickly toward losing both.

I turned over onto my side, gazing at the window quietly. I had left it open again, for some odd reason. I wondered why I kept doing that. It definitely wasn't good for my already fragile health. I hadn't gotten sick yet because of it though, so I suppose it wasn't too much of a problem in the end. Slowly, I felt around beneath the sheets for my phone. When I found it, I flipped it open and gazed at the tiny screen. I had a couple of texts, one of which was from Mason. The other two were Willow.

I opened the ones from Willow, which were basically the usual prompts to get me to come out of my room and get some of that nonexistent sunshine. Willow also said that she and Embry were doing some sort of silly thing that she thought I might like to tag along to with Jacob in tow. I supposed I might consider doing such a thing if I felt like I could maintain myself long enough to do so. It was usually easier with Willow and Embry around, but I could never be sure. Next I read the one sent by Mason, which seemed a little cryptic for him, but it sounded like he was worried about me and wanted to hang out at some point. I decided to ignore it for now.

I hid my phone back beneath the covers and returned to gazing out the window as the wind pushed it back and some rain spattered onto the wood floor. I figured I ought to close the window at that point, but I wasn't feeling up to leaving the warm security of my blankets. Instead, I opted to watch as the puddle grew across the floor with a destructive intent.

After an indiscernible amount of time had passed, I slowly rose up out of bed and stumbled over to the window, shutting it quickly. I then mopped up the water with a discarded t-shirt before depositing it into the dirty clothes hamper. I then continued on my delirious way down to the kitchen while rubbing at my sleep crusted eyes. I didn't say a word as I passed by Bella, who looked like she had something to say to me but decided against doing so.

Once I arrived safely in the kitchen, I proceeded to pour myself a generous amount of cereal. It was Lucky Charms, and it took quite the amount of convincing to get Charlie to even agree to purchasing it. Each bite was like putting little slices of heaven between my teeth with the little shivers that tickled the back of my throat. Food always seemed to be able to cheer me up, no matter what just so happened to be affecting me at the time.

I kicked my feet a little beneath the table, in a slightly better mood than I had been in when I first woke up. Although I was still in a little bit of a cloud, and therefore wasn't completely mystified when I watched someone I knew was a creation of my mind sit right beside me before proceeding to turn to me and smile.

"_How are you, Madelyn?_" The strange woman asked. Her hair was styled into gentle waves that curled around her face in a complementary way. Her skin was the colour of chocolate, and she appeared to be in her late thirties. She was very beautiful. I wondered how many times I had seen her before in the edges of my vision. I continued to eat my cereal, trying to ignore her.

"_You know, it's very rude to ignore other people,_" she pointed out to me.

"Sorry," I found myself muttering before I could even stop myself, and she sighed. She didn't really stare at me or anything, in fact it was hard to even really believe that she wasn't actually there. She looked very real and all, and it wasn't like there was a way I could go ask Charlie to tell me if she was really there or not. It would probably worry him.

"_Well, at least you're willing to admit that you're doing it. Anyways, in case you can't remember, my name is Eleanor. We've met once before,_" she informed me calmly. I stared at her, wondering when I could have possibly met her and also when she was going to disappear, so that I could pretend I wasn't losing my mind again. Her image shook a little.

"_Are you...?_" Eleanor stared at me rather seriously, "_You really shouldn't try to make me disappear just yet. I have something important to tell you._" I stood quickly then. I was definitely going off the deep end then. I really couldn't handle all of this. I was certain at this point that I was very gone. I was going to check myself into an asylum now. I needed to.

When I turned around, Eleanor was gone, and Bella was standing in the kitchen, staring at me. I looked at her, furrowing my eyebrows at her.

"Maddie," Bella began, and I waited for her to continue with whatever she was going to say. She seemed to be struggling with whatever it was, "I know you don't really like the Cullens, but, uh, Alice kind of wants to talk to you." I looked at Bella like she was crazy.

"I'm not going to talk to any of those vampires," I quickly declined the offer with as much force as I could without sounding like I was angry. Bella's eyebrows skyrocketed. I was surprised they didn't just shoot off her face with how quickly she raised them.

"Maddie," Bella began with a slight groan in her voice, "They're not bad people." I shook my head quickly.

"I don't think you understand. I _know_," I responded, and Bella blanched.

"O-oh," she said softly. I nodded at her.

"Yeah, so the answer remains the same. No. Way," I told her firmly before making my way back up the stairs to my room. Bella was persistent though, and I didn't exactly understand why. She was following me now. I couldn't understand why she liked the Cullens so much, besides the fact that Edward was literally the only person in the world to her. They had probably _killed_ people, and not for any real, justifiable reason, such as to protect themselves. No, it was probably in cold blood. That wasn't something I could really accept or agree with.

"Please, they won't hurt you," Bella attempted to reason with me, and I rounded on her.

"Sure, maybe the _won't_, but _why even risk it?_" I returned, and Bella looked shocked and maybe even a little betrayed. She probably expected me to just follow and agree with her every whim despite how little we got along at this point. It was a little ridiculous.

"Because!" she asserted suddenly, and I hadn't really heard her get upset in awhile, so it was a little surprising, "I told you it was _ok_! Do you not trust me?" I narrowed my eyes at Bella curiously.

"You realise that you have been injured a number of times with these people. At one point, you've almost died. Edward has also emotionally crippled you. _Why_ would I want to even be in proximity of them when all evidence points to the opposite of what you are attempting to convince me of," I responded, hearing my voice rise in volume as I explained this to her.

"You don't know them like I do! If you did, then you might even _like_ them!" Bella responded, just as loudly and growing in volatility.

"_Sure!_" I chuckled sarcastically, "Because knowing someone justifies the fact that they can barely even keep _you_ safe!" Bella grimaced.

"What is your _problem_?" she snapped finally, and I knew I had probably gone a little far, since one of those _vampires_ was her fiancée, "You're usually the one who gives people the benefit of the doubt. What about them being vampires is just so monstrous to you. Can't you understand that, at least from me being a living, breathing human, they aren't going to kill anyone unnecessarily?" I frowned, shaking my head a little.

"No, I can't just blindly take you at your word," I answered slowly, "Not about this." Bella looked extremely disappointed in me, but I couldn't bring myself to care in the slightest. I trekked off to my room, slamming the door behind me as if it would prove my point, although I knew it certainly wouldn't. It showed nothing other than my ridiculous amount of immaturity.

I sighed, letting out a huge cloud of breath. It was such a comfort to be able to retreat to my room. I didn't want to think about how insistent Bella had been. It seemed like there was something more to that conversation, like there was something that she had been hiding from me as she tried to convince me. It was troubling. It was also a non issue, as I had declined the offer, which I viewed to be a rather smart decision in my opinion.

I walked across the floor the push the curtains open and stare outside. The rain was still going without any signs of letting up. That was okay though because I hadn't really planned to go anyway, and I liked the rain. I leaned slightly on the sill and closed my eyes, just listening to the sound of the rain. I was tempted to open up the window to just breathe in the musky smell of the wet forest.

When I reopened my eyes, it was because I heard something hit my window. I looked down below to see Jacob standing there, staring up at me, shirtless and soaked. I opened my window then, poking my head out a little.

"What are you doing?" I shouted out to him, convinced no one inside would notice or care to find out what was happening. I could hear Jacob laugh a little.

"Move, so I can come in," he responded. I sighed but still managed to make myself listen. Jacob jumped up and slid in through the opening easily.

"Seriously, what is up with this surprise visit?" I asked him not seconds after he came in. Jacob was still smiling, figuring that I was doing fairly well so far that day.

"What? I can't just visit you without any kind of motive?" Jacob asked, and I just gave him a suspicious.

"Now you just sound like you're hear to steal my poor, virgin heart for some warlock-ish purpose," I replied in a dry tone, and Jacob laughed.

"You know I can't do any magic like that," he said and opened his arms a little, inviting me into a hug. I gazed at him warily for a moment before walking into his warm arms that I felt so at home in. I hid my face in his chest, breathing in the forest-like smell of him.

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that the thought of it is pretty amusing," I responded in good humor. Jacob laughed, and I could feel it rumble in his chest, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I curled further into him. I hadn't realized just how much I had needed that hug until that very moment.

"You okay?" Jacob asked suddenly, and I moved my head slightly, pressing my ear against his solid chest. I could hear his heart thudding beneath his skin.

"I am now," I replied quietly, and he didn't say anything after that, just letting me stay in his arms as long as I wanted to. There were things that I had wanted to tell him at the time, but I didn't think I should. I was still thinking that I could handle everything on my own, even though a big part of me wanted to Jacob every last grueling detail, if only to get it off my chest and into the open. My heart clenched a little at that.

A little later, Jacob had to go. Apparently he was being called back. I hadn't even heard any howling. His hearing had to be amazing. I was a little sad to see him go, but at least the pressure to share all my well-kept secrets was gone. I dutifully closed my window before curling up in my bed with my laptop, browsing the internet until I was finally tired enough to go to sleep.

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**What is going to happen next? Nobody knows.**

**~Minatu**


	19. Chapter 18

**If you were wondering how the author has been doing in the last six months, they have been ok.**

**onwards.**

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Chapter 18

Bella had become entirely engrossed with wedding planning. It was all she talked about, and the look of joy and excitement in her eyes was really a precious thing, and even though it had to do with the fact that she was marrying Edward, a _vampire_, I was still somehow able to feel a little happy for her. I was pretty sure she was still mad at me though. She wasn't acting like it, which was probably because the wedding was getting closer and closer, and she was probably working toward the "_this is going to be a fun and happy event even if I hate you right now_" feeling. This also meant that it was rather likely that Bella would murder me sometime after her honeymoon... which was cool, I guess. It was oddly troublesome because I was in constant fear that she was going to get me back suddenly, and I felt like the older brother in that one Foxtrot comic (he was sneaking around trying to avoid his brother's payback, which subsequently caused trouble for him and was ultimately the actual payback). Sometimes, I wished I could read minds, although that would make life rather boring. Never would I have any doubt about someone's opinion though.

I sighed, leaning forward onto my hand at my desk and staring at my computer screen. I didn't really want to do anything that day. It would be nice if I could just remain there, doing nothing, for the rest of the day. I doubted that it would remain possible though. It was too early in the morning to guarentee anything. My computer _pinged_ suddenly with a message, which I slowly moved to look at. Hopefully it was someone who wouldn't prompt me to move much more than my fingertips.

**Willow**: Whatcha up to?

I glared at Willow's cheerily written message. This had to be some sort of trick. It was a shame that I was already showing up as online. Otherwise I would have ignored it like the asshole I was. She was probably going to prompt me to go outside, which I wasn't really feeling, but it had been almost a week since I had done anything with anyone, so there was no way I could really get out of it either. Other than smooth logging out in that very moment.

**Me**: Staring into space.

**Willow**: Ah, the usual I see. Would you like to hang out?

**Me**: What do you have in mind?

**Willow**: Board games with the werewolves. I figured that would be more fun than going out.

I liked the idea of playing some board games, mostly because I wouldn't be expected to move around too much, but also because I liked me some competitive nerd things. As an added bonus, we would probably also stay inside.

**Me**: It sounds fun.

**Willow**: Really?

**Willow**: We're going to be at Jacob's, if you wanna come.

**Me**: I'll go.

**Willow**: Yay! Be there in two hours! :)

**Me**: Ok.

I stretched and let out a yawn, wondering what I was going to do with some of the extra time I had before standing and slovenly going about getting ready. I was in no hurry after all. I supposed if I moved slowly enough, all of that excess time would disappear.

I ended up wearing a hoodie, some jeans and my red vs blue t-shirt. I really needed to do some laundry, but I wasn't quite to it being at the mission critical point, so I supposed I could keep procrastinating as I was until then. Before heading out, I grabbed my phone and popped in some earbuds to occupy my mind. If I wasn't listening to something, I had found my mind would travel to dark places. The walk wasn't a long one (since there was the added bonus of a lift), so it seemed like I had barely started walking by the time I got there.

Jacob opened the door, "Willow got you to come?" He looked a little surprised, but mostly happy, to see me there. It made me want to hit him but also kiss him a little. I had no intention to do either.

"Nope," I responded in a flat tone, "I just happened to decide to swing by, entirely unawares of the fact that you all were here. Yes, sirree." Apparently, I had caught Jacob off-guard because he looked almost like he believed me at first, but by the end of it he had figured out that I was being sarcastic. This was probably due to the ridiculousness of my response. If I had really meant to make it unclear, I might've chosen to stop at the first word out of my mouth after all. It seemed like today was going to be okay so far, and I felt a little more like my usual self too. Jacob gave me smile.

"What is with your response?" he was laughing though, so I smiled back. Jacob moved aside to let me, and Embry and Willow were setting up the stacks of cards in the middle of the table. Apparently we were going to play _Munchkins_. I knew then that we would probably all end up at each other's throats. It was such a competitive game.

We all settled down around the table, and soon enough, I was sitting strangely, taking up far more space than necessary with my legs in Jacob's lap, which I told myself was for optimal masterminding but also comfort. Jacob was really tolerant of it all. I moved around a whole lot, and he never really said a thing about it. I was kind of surprised by it. At one point, I had my head on his shoulder, and before that, I had stolen one of his hands for safe keeping. I just liked being near him, touching him, and just knowing that it was okay for me to do that. That he was really there, in reality.

Then he played a +10 levels wandering monster on the monster I had just kicked open a door to reveal, and I went from zero to a hundred pretty quick. I had never really known terror like I did in that moment. I couldn't lose this chance! I might lose if I ran away. After all, if I didn't get away, I was going to lose not only my class but a level on top of it.

"Willow! Help me!" I cried, immediately looking to my best gal with the best puppy eyes I could muster, "I'll give you two treasures!" I took my legs back from Jacob after shooting him a glare for good measure.

"Well... I'm not one to turn down free treasures," Willow responded hesitantly, and Embry looked at her with a panicked expression, which caused Willow to look torn. He was going to scare away my knight in shining armor!

"I can give you first pick of the treasures too," I added with hopes that that would be enough to get her to bite. It seemed like Embry and Jacob were aware of my scheme, but as long as the beautiful and wonderful Willow was not, I still had a fighting chance.

"Come on, Willow... Don't fall for her tricks," Embry said, and Jacob nodded in agreement, adding, "She'll win if you help her."

"You don't know that!" I spoke up in my defense quickly, feeling nervous that I would be abandoned in my moment of need, "I'm only a level eight. I need two more levels in order to win." I said this despite the fact that I had a level up card in my hand that I had been holding onto for this very moment. All I had to do was defeat this monster, and I would have that second level I needed to clench the win.

Willow still looked conflicted, then I saw her lean over a little bit and look at Embry's hand, which I don't think he even realized she did and said, "I'll help you." Both Embry and Jacob groaned, and I grinned. I then proceeded to win the game and laugh tyrannically, which caused Willow to complain and claim that I tricked her, which was indeed quite true, but Embry and Jacob also advised her not to help.

After that, we played Monopoly, which I helped Willow win, and I think Embry figured out that Willow and I were conspiring against them. He refused to play any further games with the both of us.

It was dark when Embry and Willow left. We had just finished watching some movie, and I was too comfortable, all curled up into Jacob to want to move just yet, even though I knew I ought to start heading out myself soon. It took me a minute to even realize that Jacob had actually fallen asleep against me because I hadn't been talking either, and it was really kind of adorable. I kind of didn't want to wake him. Charlie knew where I was, so I was sure it would be fine if I stayed for just a little longer...

I shifted slightly, listening to Jacob's heart beat. It was strange that I didn't have a single attack all day. I had gotten so used to anticipating that one was going to happen that I hadn't relaxed this much in a while. It was nice that I didn't have to try to focus on two worlds at once at all that day. It wasn't something I really wanted to challenge though. I was really just hoping that there would be more days without attacks as well. I didn't even have a headache. It was amazing. I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until it was morning. I had somehow been tucked between the couch and Jacob, who was completely curled around me with his face pressed into my hair. It gave me this fluttery feeling to wake up with him like this, even though we were embarrassingly settled right smack dab in the middle of the living room where Billy could just wander onto us.

When I heard Billy moving around, I immediately closed my eyes, not really knowing what else to do. I was hoping he wouldn't notice I was there. I heard him laugh softly before saying, "Rise and shine!" He pulled open a curtain, blasting us with some sunlight. Jacob jolted awake so suddenly that he must have lost the balance he had at the edge on the couch and fell right off with a loud _thud_. I couldn't help the surprised laugh that slipped through my lips.

I was going to make fun of him when I realized, _my hair_. I raked my fingers through it quickly, pulling all that I could into a ponytail. Jacob stared at me, as if in a trance, and I wasn't really sure how to feel about it. Honestly, it was kind of embarrassing. Billy cleared his throat loudly.

"Maddie, make sure to call Charlie and let him know you're still over here," Billy said before going off to the kitchen, and I was surprised how he just took me staying over in stride though I supposed it had happened before. Just... that time I was sick, and it was over a year ago, and Jacob and I hadn't been dating, and... and...

"Is there something on my face?" I asked Jacob, staring at him in confusion. It was really starting to bother me now. I felt like I was under a microscope or something.

"No," Jacob spoke slowly, "You just look beautiful." I felt my face light up like it was on fire.

"Wha- what are you saying so early in the morning!?" I shouted but at a whisper, because I really didn't want Billy to hear our conversation either, "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I just want to kiss you," Jacob responded with a sly grin, and I was not any less embarrassed than I was a moment ago.

"Jake! Your dad could see us!" I protested, covering my red face with my hands. I peered through my long fingers at him, and Jacob had moved to where he had his arms on either side of me, and I felt a little startled. I moved my hands away from my face slowly, gazing at him curiously.

"Do you not want me to?" he asked in a low voice, and my heart rate picked up. Of course I wanted him to kiss me! Why was he such an overly considerate buffoon?

"I want you to," I responded in an equally soft voice. He grinned a little at that as I slinked my arms around his warm neck. Jacob leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

When he pulled away, he said, "You look even more beautiful now." Shameless. And overly affectionate. I really was going to die from embarrassment at this rate.

"Lies and slander," I retorted, and he laughed a little at that, not taking me seriously. I couldn't help but smile a little bit at him as he laughed. He was the beautiful one, really.

.

"Maddie," Bella began, "I want you to go dress shopping with me. As one of my bride's maids, you have to wear something lavender." She said this matter-of-factly, like she hadn't told me thirty-nine times already. I was a little tempted to respond with something like, _I was going to wear a lavender tie with my suit_, but thought better of it because my sister would probably murder me for being sexually ambiguous like that. Honestly though, I wasn't against banging a girl, but I had Jacob, so there wasn't any need for me to explore that side of myself?

"Aw, do I have to?" I complained instead, and Bella threw me a _look_ that caused me to remember that we weren't actually on good terms. Bella was still plotting my murder it seemed. I supposed that meant this was no time for jokes (or the _best_ time, depending on how you look at it).

"I got it; I got it," I sighed, waving one of my hands in a dismissive manner. She smiled slightly in a way that said more of "you better" than "I am genuinely pleased with you". Bella seemed much better at holding grudges than I remembered, considering the facts of the matter pointed to the opposite if I considered Edward a variable. Edward was probably a _special_ case.

"Good, 'cause we have a long day of shopping ahead of us," she glared at my poorly concealed groan. I had barely been home for a day, and I was already be forced back out into the wilderness. I was not a fan.

Things could get worse, apparently, seeing as Bella had invited a vampire - _excuse me_, one of Edward's _darling_ sisters - along for the affair as well. To top it off, it was Alice, the vampire Bella had mentioned that had some sort of special interest in me (_or_ if we're being politically correct, wanted to speak to me). I was beginning to think I was going to need to scribble down my will while I still had a chance. I rubbed my thumb against the sun pendant that I was wearing. It was the one that Charlie had given me for my birthday a little while back...

Alice rolled up to pick the two of us up in this obnoxious sports car that probably cost more than my whole life, which included the ballet costumes that cost damn near a fortune. Alice then cheerfully greeted Bella, which gave me goosebumps. Everything felt wrong about this. Why did Bella have to fall in love with a vampire? Of all the things, she choose one of the most terrifying creatures, and this group included windigos. These were creatures that killed _people_, humans, if I have to be more specific. Bella must've loved _Dracula_ because there's no way in hell she would've been okay with this otherwise. Why did scary things have to be so romanticized?

I did my best to put up with it though; saying nothing on the way to Seattle, trying on every lavender dress the both of them told me to, giving my opinion on all of the gaudy white dresses Bella put on, lagging behind as we walked from store to store, and acknowledging Alice whenever she spoke directly to me. Honestly, it was all very exhausting. So I wasn't really sure why Bella was mad at me by the end of it all. Perhaps she had somehow expected more of me, as if I could just throw caution to the wind and become the ultimate two-faced Barbie. They were probably planning to turn Bella into one of them, so why would I pretend? Bella planned to leave us "humans" behind anyway, so why bother? How could she expect me to be happy about her walking straight to her own death? I was frustrated because Bella wasn't even trying to hear me out or see my point of view. Why did she want me to just accept her truth and act all hunky-dorry about it? There was no way I could just _do_ that. What proof did she have of their being "good" anyhow? Their golden eyes? That didn't even make sense. How was I supposed to know that the information they were feeding Bella was true? What if they just weren't killing in Forks, and that was what they were doing with their "vacation days" when the sun was out? I just had to take the Cullens' word for it? No way. I needed some real, solid proof. The kind that, upon seeing it, would be irrefutable. Otherwise it would be a cold day in hell before I just _trusted_ them.

"Maddie," Bella began with this infuriated expression on her face, and I had kind of seen this moment coming, "Why do you have to be _so_ rude to them? Can't you at least _pretend_ to be nice for one day?" Although it was somewhat apparent that Bella was going to attempt to just talk this out with me, her patience was already thin at best. I barely realized that I snorted at her words. We were going to fight again. The very moment we were out of earshot of other people, apparently.

"What are you talking about? It isn't in my nature to be kind to vampires," I responded with venom, and this was probably not the proper way to go about this, but I was pissed, so I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted to, "I'm a sarcastic asshole, in case you haven't noticed."

"So that's your _excuse_? So apparently if you just state that you're an asshole then it just _magically_ makes it all better?" Bella started up, and apparently, I had really gotten her going, "Those _vampires_ are going to be your in-laws, whether you like it or not, so you better start learning how to play nice." She was acting like she was the one in the right, immediately making my point the _incorrect_ one, when that wasn't the case at all. She never listened to me.

"No! I don't have to learn how to 'play nice' with _creatures_ I don't have to accept into _my_ family. They're yours, not mine. You're the one who has to 'play nice'; I can just act however the fuck I want because I'm not the one whose going to go associate with them during Christmas time. _You_ are," I pointed out, and I felt like this was a rather good point, to be entirely honest. Bella, however, did not agree with me.

"Can't you at least act happy for me or pretend to like them for five goddamn minutes? I'm marrying Edward, for Christ's sake! You acting like this isn't gonna make me second guess my decision; it's gonna make me _hate_ you!" Bella responded, sounding hurt and upset, and somehow that just made me angrier.

"Pretend for _you_? Hate _me_?" I asked hollowly and sucked in a deep breath. My rage was cold. It felt so calm, "Why would I do that when you can't even do that for me? Remember all those months where you acted like a zombie because Edward left you? Do you remember me asking you to _pretend_ just a _little_? Not for me, but for all the people who worried about you? No? Well, I'm reminding you because you didn't fucking do it. So why the hell should I?"

"Really? That's what you're going with? _Well, Bella won't do it, so why should I_?" she mocked me, and I really wanted to tear her hair out.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. If you're not going to give a damn about my feelings, why should I give a damn about yours? I don't want to just move to your every whim anymore. I don't want to feel hurt or lonely because _Bella_ doesn't care about me anymore, and you don't even care! You don't care that you've hurt me! That you've hurt Dad! That you've hurt Jacob! _What a damn shame! Someone's feelings got hurt! Cry me a river_, huh? That's how it is isn't it? You want to be the king, dictating how all the little pawns, knights and rooks move. You don't care if you're burning bridges; you just want things to go _your_ way!" I snapped, and Bella looked livid. But I couldn't really bring myself to care.

"So what? This is about _you_?" Bella asked in the most judgmental tone I had ever heard, "If this is about you, then you shouldn't even bother coming to my wedding, seeing as you don't give a damn about me and my happiness! You're just a self-centered 'asshole' after all." She raised her eyebrows slightly, as if challenging me to say something else.

"Fine by me. I didn't want to go to your stupid wedding with that ugly, Satan spawn anyway. You can just take your happiness and shove it up your asshole," I shot back in a cool tone. It almost sounded like I wasn't even angry. I felt a little disconnected from myself.

"You! Every time you mention Edward you never have a lick of respect for him! What do you have a crush on him too? Like Jacob? Huh, you thot?" Bella hissed, and it felt like everything in my body was turned to ice. I couldn't believe that my own sister had just... she called me... I didn't even realize I had grabbed a rock a threw it at her until I saw the blood dripping down her face. The world flickered a bit, and I saw red.

Bella crashed into me, knocking me onto the ground and wailing on me. I grabbed at her hair and kicked my legs at her. I felt Bella's nails cut my skin, and I bit her hand in retaliation. I nailed Bella in the face, and she kneed me in the stomach. I threw her off of me and got my feet knocked out from beneath me and bitten in the leg. I threw more rocks at her and screamed. I barely noticed Charlie and Jacob run up and pull the two of us apart.

"Let me go!" Bella yelled at Charlie, who honestly looked more than a little taken aback by how enraged she looked. Bella was out for blood. She'd already technically gotten some, seeing as I was bleeding in a number of places. I was just beginning to feel empty and depressed.

"Why are you two fighting?" Charlie asked out of concern, like the good father he was. I felt more guilty because it was getting to be too close to Bella's wedding for the two of us to be fighting like this.

"It's Maddie's fault! All I wanted was for her to be polite, and she couldn't even manage it for five minutes," Bella responded quickly, giving me a pointed look. I looked away quickly, trying to find something interesting that wasn't a person. I ended up staring at my feet. I didn't even know how to begin to defend myself. After all, maybe I was wrong. I was probably being prejudiced from Bella's point of view, but I couldn't really stop myself. I wasn't exactly willing to take a chance on my life. I had only just started living it. None of them had shown they were decent, Bella had been hurt and put in danger numerous times. Why wouldn't I dislike them?

"It doesn't matter, I guess," I said after a beat, and Bella looked angrier, but Charlie just looked confused and worried. Apparently he figured out that Jacob would look after me though because he didn't ask questions or chase after me. Jacob followed after me as I trudged through the gravel silently.

After a little while of walking in silence with Jacob trailing behind me like a little duckling, he caught my wrist and pulled me toward him, wrapping me in a warm hug. I leaned into him, trembling a little.

"Do you want to talk?" he prompted me carefully, and I shook my head. I didn't want to speak of the insults that were thrown. I didn't want to think about the hurt I was feeling. I didn't even want to exist all that much right then. I felt so bad about myself. I just pressed my face into the soft t-shirt that Jacob was wearing, breathing in his musky cologne.

"It's okay," Jacob reassured me gently, and somehow, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**~ BM**

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rissbenzo: I kind of agree with you on the Jacob bit. I do hope I continue to please you. :]

MDA: Those are some good thoughts you have there. I appreciate them. DD

Jessie the twilight girl: Why thank you!

Kris (anon): I appreciate your kindness.

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**Bonus thoughts: I actually didn't realize this chapter was so long because I don't have a word count thing on my computer's doc thing. sooooo, wow, long chapter surprise.**


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